BDSM

​BDSM is a set of relational and sexual practices based on consensual exploration of things like restraint, control, intense sensations and power dynamics. The term BDSM is an acronym that brings together various terms:

• Bondage and Discipline (B/D) : bondage is the act of immobilising or restraining a partner’s movements through the use of ropes, handcuffs and other devices. Discipline encompasses the rules, guidelines and forms of supervision agreed upon between partners. 
• Dominance and Soumission (D/s) : this dynamic is based on a consensual exchange of power in which one person takes on the dominant role, whilst the other chooses to submit to various rules and demands. 
• Sadism and Masochism (S/M) : these practices are all about pleasure derived from pain, and/or psychological/psychological intensity, or to certain types of consensual humiliation. The sadist takes pleasure from inflicting these sensations, whereas the masochist enjoys receiving them.

​Contrary to popular belief, BDSM isn’t simply about pain and domination. There are an infinite number of things that fall under the BDSM umbrella, such as fetishist role play ( puppy play , MedFet , golden showers , etc.) or chastity.

Explicit consent from everyone involved is a key part of BDSM practices. Boundaries, desires and expectations must be discussed in advance so that everyone knows exactly what is acceptable and what is not.

​Each person has their own desires, fantasies and limits. Some people enjoy playing around with control, others prefer sensory play, fetishist practices or chastity. This is why communication is crucial: for a BDSM session to be a positive one, everyone involved must be on the same wavelength.

​If you’re discovering BDSM, you may feel a little overwhelmed by the sheer range of terms, practices and accessories available.

​Fear not, you don’t have to be an expert right from the start. To make things a little easier, we’ve put together a table that goes over the main BDSM categories and practices, with some real-life examples and the accessories that tend to be used in each.

​The appeal of BDSM can be explained by a number of psychological and physiological factors. Of course, everyone is different, and motivations vary from person to person.

​For many people, BDSM is a way for them to break routine and explore new facets of their personality. Taking on a dominant or submissive role, or taking part in a particular scenario, allows people to experience things they normally wouldn’t, and this can be particularly stimulating for some.

​Role play, power dynamics and acting out fantasies provide fertile ground for exploring pleasure. These feelings of novelty and discovery can contribute to making experiences more intense and exciting.

​Certain BDSM practices can trigger the release of various hormones and neurotransmitters:

• Endorphins: often associated with feelings of well-being and euphoria.
• Oxytocin: sometimes nicknamed the “love drug”, it fosters a sense of closeness and trust.
• Adrenaline: increases arousal, vigilance and the intensity of sensations.

​The combination of these psychological and physiological factors partly explains why many people find BDSM particularly stimulating and rewarding.

​We can’t stress enough how important consent is. Every single practice must be fully and freely accepted by those involved, and everyone should be able to adjust their limits or stop the experience at any given moment.​

​Dom/sub dynamics may seem counterintuitive to the idea of consent. In reality, these practices rely heavily on clear communication and establishing rules in advance.

​Before any BDSM session, take the time to talk about:

• Any practices that are allowed or off-limits
• Where each individual draw’s the line
• Any concerns or physical limitations 
• How you’re going to communicate during the session

​Verbal and non-verbal communication are key from start to finish.

​Some BDSM practices can be particularly intense, both physically and emotionally. It’s generally preferable to start off slowly and gradually increase intensity, all whilst observing your partner’s reactions.

​BDSM tools should be used according to intended use, and looked after properly.

• Clean your accessories after each use
• Check their condition regularly to avoid causing injury
• Some more intimate accessories, such as anal toys or urethral plugs, require thorough cleaning or even sterilisation, in accordance with the manufacturer’s instructions

A safeword is a word that’s designed to immediately stop play as soon as someone uses it. Your safeword should be simple, clear and distinct from the current situation/scenario at play so as to make it immediately recognisable and avoid confusion.

​If there’s a moment where one partner is unable to speak (for example, if they’re wearing a gag ball), we recommend using a clear non-verbal signal such as a prearranged gesture or dropping an object you may be holding in your hand.

Aftercare is the moment following a BDSM scene. The aim is to make sure everyone feels physically and emotionally at ease.

​This may include:

• Talking about what just happened 
• Reassuring your partner 
• Offering them a snack or a drink
• Relaxing together 
• Giving each other hugs, massages, or providing any other comforting gesture

​This time together is often seen as an important part of the BDSM experience.

​Even if you’re doing something that has been agreed upon in advance, each participant is well within their right to change their mind. Consent is never fixed in stone: it can be taken away at all times, without the need for justification and without you feeling guilty.

​If you and your partner are both interested in trying out BDSM, you’ve probably already asked yourselves how and where to start. There’s no need to begin with super complicated, high-intensity practices. Here are a few top tips from the LOVE Team.

​Everyone’s idea of what they want from BDSM is different. Some people are drawn to games of dominance and submission, others to bondage, sensory play or certain fetishes.

​Take the time to talk to your partner about:

• What intrigues you
• What you’d like to try
• What doesn’t interest you at all
• Specific fantasies and comfort levels

​The world of BDSM is a considerable culture in its own right. Before jumping into the thick of it, have a look at different educational resources, specialist forums and online communities.

​Lots of people share their experiences via dedicated platforms, in special BDSM communities on Reddit and many other social networks. This may help you to discover new practices and limit first-timer errors.

​Don’t worry about buying all the gear straight away, or trying out super complex scenes you may have come across on the internet. Your first few times should be nice and simple.

​Here are some examples:

• Use a gentle pair of handcuffs during sex
• Cover your partner’s eyes during cunnilingus or a  blow job ​
• Make one or two rules for the experience, or try a super basic role play scenario
• Try using simple sensory objects such as a feather or an ice cube

​These explorations often help you discover what you like before taking things further.

​There is no level you need to attain in your BDSM practices. Some couples simply enjoy the occasional game, whilst others develop more elaborate practices over time.

​Remember, if you’re engaging in sensation play using tools such as floggers, whips, riding crops or paddles, start as gently as possible before progressing (always ensuring your partner’s comfort and safety).