Dominance and submission

​A dominant-submissive relationship (Dom/sub, D/s) is a BDSM dynamic in which one partner voluntarily acts out a form of authority and/or control, whilst the other partner chooses to hand that control over to them. This dynamic must always be built upon consent, communication and clear limits that are defined in advance.

​D/s dynamics can look different from relationship to relationship:

• Role-play sessions and specific sexual scenarios
• Sexual activity involving instructions or commands
• Power exchanges outside of the bedroom
• Rules and commands implemented throughout the day, for example via text message

​The intensity of play varies from couple to couple. Some dynamics are fairly lighthearted, whilst others are much more immersive, drawing on consensual servitude and total submission.

​D/s often overlaps with other BDSM practices:​

• Sadomasochism , specifically through reward and punishment,
• Impact play, like spanking using your hands or a paddle,
• Bondage, which limits the submissive’s movements using restraints.

​Each Dom/sub relationship is unique, incorporating different practices depending on fantasies, limits and what each partner is looking to get out of the experience.

​The answer to this question might not be as simple as you think. Many people discover what they like through trying things out with their partner, experiencing different dynamics and exploring their fantasies.

​As a general rule of thumb:

• A dominant (Dom) often gets pleasure out of guiding, commanding and exercising a form of consensual control,
• A submissive (sub) gets their pleasure by following orders, giving up control (to different extents) and even completely letting go,
• A switch is someone who enjoys taking on both Dom and sub roles, depending on the context.

​To figure out where you lie along the Dom/sub-scale, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you like taking the lead during sex?
• Does the thought of giving orders or having someone obey you turn you on?
• Do you get pleasure from guiding your partner’s pleasure?
• Do scenarios where you take on an authoritative role intrigue you?

• Do you like following your partner’s commands?
• Does the idea of handing over control to them turn you on?
• Are you looking to let go during BDSM sessions?
• Do scenarios where you obey or serve your partner intrigue you?

​In practice, many people have both dominant and submissive traits. The key is to communicate with your partner and take the time to build a dynamic together that corresponds to both of your needs.

​D/s relationships rely on trust more than anything else. To make sure the experience is pleasant for everyone, each partner should have matching desires, understand the limits imposed and freely consent to the dynamic in place.

​Communication is key. Before any play session, take some time to talk about what you’d like to explore, what you absolutely won’t do and what limits you refuse to surpass.

​A few essential rules:

• Make sure that both partners actively want to take part in a D/s dynamic
• Talk about your fantasies, desires and the scenes you’d like to try before getting started
• Clearly define the physical, emotional and sexual limits of each individual
• Never assume your partner will be okay with a practice if you haven’t asked them beforehand

​Dom/sub is often described as a genuine pact of trust. Even if a partner voluntarily gives up some control, they still always have the right to modify their limits or put an end to the session.

​We also highly recommend choosing a safeword before you get started. A safeword means that anyone can put a stop to play whenever necessary.

​Dominance-submission accessories will help to reinforce power dynamics (obedience, discipline, restriction etc.). Some are perfect for beginners, whereas others are better adapted to more experienced BDSM lovers.

​Choosing your perfect accessory depends above all on you and your partner, your experience levels and the dynamic you’re looking to implement. For beginners, the LOVE Team recommend paddles, supple floggers and simple gag balls before moving on to more specialised accessories.