Using Male Sex Toys as a Couple: A Revolution for Masculine Pleasure

Although the first studies surrounding sex toys focused mainly on women, the last fifteen or so years have seen an increase in data concerning men. In a US study, 43.8% of heterosexual men aged between 18 and 60 claim to have already used a vibrator, 91% of which was with a partner during a sexual encounter (Reece et al., 2009).

In the European context, 50 to 65% of adults of all genders use sex toys, almost 60% of which in a partnered context (Hald, Malamuth, & Yule, 2024). In France, for example, the international market research group IFOP conducted a survey in 2017 revealing that 23% of men have already used a sex toy with a partner. This figure, although lower than that stated by women (49%) (IFOP, 2019), has seen a distinct increase since the previous decade. What’s more, in 2019 men were more open to the use of sex toys than in 2007 (IFOP, 2019). According to a compilation published by Statista in 2025, the proportion of French men having used a sex toy at least once in their lives has been constantly increasing since 1992.

The sex toy market boasts a wide variety of options for men : manual or vibrating masturbators (like the Fleshlight), vibrating cock rings , prostate stimulators , perineum massagers, dildos , butt plugs , dolls … some of which are app-controlled . The wealth of options mean that many couples of all sexual orientations are integrating toys more and more often into their sexual practices: roleplay, simultaneous or mutual stimulation, to accompany penetration, app-controlled toys that can be used long distance or in person…

Contrary to popular belief, men who use sex toys don’t do it just for themselves. Many users state the desire to increase pleasure within their couple, particularly that of their partner. For example, Castleman (2017) reports that 82% of men who use a vibrator with their partner do so in order to stimulate their partner’s clitoris. Reece et al. (2009) also observed that the use of male sex toys within a couples context tends to primarily concern devices designed to enrich the shared experience, and often, to heighten feminine pleasure.

The same thing can be seen amongst gay and bisexual men. One study shows that 78.5% have used sex toys before, often during sexual games with partners. Sixty-two percent used dildos and 49% vibrators, in both solo (95%) and partnered (72%) relations. Using vibrators enhances levels of sexual arousal, orgasms and pleasure for both partners involved (Rosenberger et al., 2010).

The process of using sex toys within a couple is often seen as a way of rekindling bonds, stimulating new fantasies and making conversations around sexual expectations easier. Thus, couples who use sex toys have a higher level of sexual and relational satisfaction (Hald et al., 2024).

What’s more, these objects help one to have a better understanding of their body, and they contribute to a diversification of sexual practices. For example, prostate stimulators allow for exploration of an erogenous zone that is still largely considered taboo, even though it can help contribute to more intense orgasms. The use of male sex toys can also decrease performance pressure by redistributing the responsibility of pleasure to the couple as a whole (Ruby, 2023).

The use of app-controlled sex toys by cisgender men in relationships, compared to solo use, is associated with higher levels of sexual desire, the ability to reach orgasm with a partner, and better sexual self-esteem. Men who use app-controlled sex toys in their relationships seem to benefit from more sexual well-being than those who make use of such devices in solitary situations (Dussault et al., 2025).

The academic work conducted by Ruby (2023), dwells upon the implications that sex toy use amongst men can have on their identity. She shows that certain men see sex toys as a threat to their virility, or a challenge to their sexual performance. Nevertheless, many see a reduction in the amount of pressure felt to perform sexually, or even an increase of their own pleasure, especially through the use of prostate stimulators or vibrating cock rings.

The sexologist makes a distinction between two main masculine attitudes: those who see sex toys as ‘allies’ to couples pleasure, and those who consider them to be ‘rivals’ that threaten their main role as a sexual partner. Whatever the case may be, introducing sex toys into the dynamic often gives way to discussions around desire, fantasies and sexual preferences, thus reinforcing emotional intimacy (Ruby, 2023).

This ambivalence is often linked to gendered constructs surrounding virility: for some, the use of sex toys on themselves can symbolise a loss of control or sexual autonomy. Some men also feel insecure if their partner’s pleasure seems to depend more on the sex toy being used than their own efforts. These perceptions can generate tension, especially if the toy is introduced without prior discussion, or if it’s seen to be an obligation during sex. Having a positive experience rests heavily upon the quality of communication and the construction of practices and sexual scripts that favour mutual respect and takes into account the opinion of each person involved.

The acceptance of male sex toys is also dependent upon the social attitudes surrounding them. Although sex toys for women tend to be more highly associated with autonomy and sexual well-being, those aimed at men still suffer from prejudice. These gendered representations are kept in place by marketing campaigns that continue to focus primarily on women and heterosexual couples, making the needs of men, sexual minorities and non-binary people invisible, although these groups use sex toys just as often (Hanson and Brooks, 2025). In order to push past these mental blocks, the need to re-evaluate the gendered norms that underpin the design and advertising of sex toys, as well as the need to pave the way for more inclusivity regarding masculine pleasure is extremely key.

As for any intimate accessory, men who use sex toys need to incorporate good hygiene practices into their play. This is even more important when, as, according to a study, 21.7% of sex toy users share them with their partner (Wood et al., 2017). Some people don’t systematically clean their toys, thus increasing the risk of spreading bacteria and fungus, or contracting urine infections if the toy is used around the anus and the urethra (Psychreg, 2025).

What’s more, excessive or compulsive use of certain devices can, in the long term, provoke temporary loss of feeling or difficulties experiencing pleasure with the same intensity. If you want to know more about this, an article is available on our blog detailing the topic of sex toys and excessive use.

When it comes to app-controlled sex toys, it’s incredibly important to ensure they’re being used responsibly. Having control over a device that’s destined to be used on a partner risks problems surrounding consent. Being clear on the notions of mutual respect, communication and consent is therefore key if these devices are to be used. These options also bring up questions surrounding cybersecurity, respect for people’s private lives and the theft of extremely sensitive data (Power et al., 2024).

The growth in the use of male sex toys amongst couples isn’t linked solely to an uptick in consumption. It’s a reflection of the significant shift in modern ideas on sexuality, marked by a search for pleasure that’s shared, equal for both partners and consciously practiced. By integrating sex toys into their relationships, men can find new ways to reinvest in their body, explore new erogenous zones, reduce performance pressure and reinforce bonds with their partner.

Sex toys can also become tools to promote dialogue, encourage sexual emancipation and mutual pleasure. However, this transformation can only be fully realised when society agrees to pursue collective reflection on gender norms. It’s also necessary to promote responsible use and remain open-minded. Let’s not forget that sex toys shouldn’t embody any form of obligation or become the be-all and end-all of sex; it should be one of the many ways that a person can enjoy a more fulfilling sex life, whether alone or with a partner.