Understanding your partner's needs
Active listening is one of the best ways to re-establish communication in bed. Understanding your partner's needs, listening to their feelings and respecting their boundaries will help you reinvigorate your relationship.
Learn how to listen actively
Active listening means paying full attention to the feelings, joys and frustrations expressed by your partner and making an effort to understand them.
- Show empathy: By understanding the emotions your partner is expressing, you'll be in a better position to show your support.
- Watch your body language: Be receptive to what they are saying. Look them straight in the eye, smile, encourage them with a gesture, show that you support them. Don't show signs of impatience (sighing, rolling your eyes, crossing your arms).
- Rephrase: By rephrasing what they've just said in your own words, you’ll show them how attentive you've been and make sure you've understood every point they've made.
Ask open-ended questions
Unlike simple yes-no questions, open-ended questions about your intimate life will give you a better idea of your partner's desires and give them the opportunity to explore their desires and feelings in more detail.
- Words such as 'how', 'what', 'why' or 'when' will allow your partner to give richer, more detailed answers. They’ll feel free to express themself.
- Don’t ask leading questions or suggest answers. Don't give your point of view right off the bat, remain neutral to allow them to express their wishes freely without your influence.
- Don't ask questions that might embarrass your partner when you are about to become intimate. Choose a time when you are both available and relaxed, without any outside pressure.
- Want to get your sex life off to a healthy start with complete trust? Your partner needs to be willing to respond to you, to feel comfortable and respected. Don't judge them, just listen, be patient and make yourself available.
Respect your individual differences
You may have a lot in common with your partner, but luckily you're not identical in every way. Everyone has their own desires, preferences and boundaries. You need to take these differences into account to enjoy a healthy sexual connection.
- Don't assume that your partner has different tastes, preferences or desires. Everyone is different and that's what makes our relationships, whether intimate or platonic, so special.
- Don't force anything on your partner and respect their limits. By discussing your needs and those of your partner, you can lay the foundations for honest and respectful communication.
- Your partner's differences should encourage you to be open-minded. The curiosity you show will strengthen your bond and create even more intimacy between you.
- Taking an interest in your partner outside of your intimate relationship will allow you to deepen the intimate bond that you share. Ask them about their history, values, past experiences, etc. You will undoubtedly gain a better understanding of their intimate desires by getting to know who they are.
Express your own needs clearly
Use precise language
- Be clear. Use precise words to talk about your expectations. Say what you want frankly, without embarrassment.
- Use positive rather than negative language to ask for what you want. Try to say "touch me more gently" rather than "don't touch me so roughly", for example.
- Show your partner what you want if you can't say it verbally. For example, take their hand and lead the way to show them what you like.
Be assertive without being aggressive
Don't be afraid to say "I". Express your needs like you mean it, but without being too aggressive. Be assertive without being rude. Your partner will be grateful.
- Use "I" language rather than "you" language. This will keep the conversation focused on your feelings, ensuring that your partner doesn't feel blamed for anything. For example, say "I prefer it when we use a bit of lube" rather than "You never use enough lubricant".
- Tell them how you feel, tell them how much pleasure you’re feeling and express any dissatisfaction. This will create a climate of trust and allow the other person to understand your feelings.
- Don't give in to your own desires, but listen to those of your partner. Open discussion and compromise are essential.
- Avoid a breakdown in communication at all costs. Use a respectful tone and language, and don't be unnecessarily hurtful.
Bring up the subject at the right time
Choose the right time to bring up the subject of your bedroom desires. If you rush into it, you may cause an awkward situation. On the other hand, if you know how to choose the right moment to bring up the subject you're passionate about, the discussion will be open and constructive.
- If you notice that your partner is worried about personal matters, or if you are stressed or tired, put off the discussion. Choose a more relaxed moment that is conducive to an intimate and frank conversation.
- Choose a moment when you’re both in a good mood, such as a fun outing or while you’re cuddling. The relaxed atmosphere will be more conducive to sharing intimate revelations.
- Don't bring up the subject right before an intimate encounter. Your partner will feel obligated to meet your expectations and you may end up with the opposite of what you hoped for.
- Create the right conditions for such an intimate conversation. Choose a quiet, comfortable place where you're sure you won't be disturbed. Allow plenty of time for your discussion and listen to your partner's answers carefully.
- Respect your partner's intimacy. If they are embarrassed, postpone the discussion to a later time.
Create the right environment for communicating
Create a climate of trust and respect
- Be honest with yourself. If you share your thoughts with your partner, they will be willing to do the same.
- Be discreet and don't share details that should only concern you and your partner. By respecting their privacy, you'll show your commitment and sincerity.
- Be reliable and always keep your promises. That way, you’ll build a relationship of greater trust between you.
- Acknowledge that you’ve made mistakes and apologise sincerely. You'll show the other person how much you care about the relationship and how you can take responsibility for your mistakes.
Avoid distractions and interruptions
- The place you choose to talk should be quiet, free from noise and unnecessary distractions.
- Don't check your phone and turn off all screens in the room. Your partner will see how attentive you are and how much you want to hear what they have to say without distractions.
Adopt a caring attitude
Having a caring attitude is essential for intimate conversations and will strengthen your bond. You’ll show your partner how much they can rely on you.
- To understand your partner better, try to put yourself in their shoes. Showing empathy will strengthen your bond and make it easier to express your feelings.
- Be constructive. Avoid criticism and try to find solutions to the difficulties you encounter.
- Your partner should feel encouraged in their choices and supported in times of need. That's how you’ll build a solid relationship based on trust and the certainty of being understood, even during the rough patches.
- Be patient. What could be more difficult than talking about certain intimate matters and daring to share your desires and fears? Be understanding and give your partner time to express themself. Your relationship will grow on a healthy basis and communication will gradually improve.
- Express your happiness when you reach a milestone or solve a problem together. Intimate successes should be celebrated for what they are!
Embrace physical closeness and touch
Touch is a key element of non-verbal communication, especially in intimate relationships. Physical closeness is also a way of expressing feelings and strengthening your bond. Here's how to use the power of touch to communicate with your partner in bed.
- Touch your partner to show them your feelings. Love, desire and comfort can be expressed without words, through attentive gestures. For example, you can show your support by touching an arm or caressing their cheek to show your affection.
- Everyone has their own preferences and may or may not appreciate a certain kind of touch. Always ask the other person if they like the way you’re touching their body.
- Be aware of your partner's reactions and stop touching them if you notice that they don't like it.
- Always try to stay physically close. Hold hands, kiss, walk at the same pace next to each other. You'll stay emotionally connected and your closeness will be strengthened.
Correctly interpret non-verbal signals
Just like words, non-verbal signals are an important part of communication. Your partner's body language, looks, facial expressions and gestures all carry meaning: it's up to you to decipher them so that you can be as attentive as possible to their needs. Here are some tips to help you understand their non-verbal reactions:
- Pay attention to your partner's posture, gestures and facial expressions and identify the situations in which they occur. You'll be better equipped to understand them.
- Sometimes non-verbal cues can be ambiguous. Take the time to check that you're not making a mistake and ask him/her how they are feeling. By clarifying their feelings, they’ll help you to understand and satisfy them.
- Don't misunderstand the meaning of a non-verbal message and always take into account the context in which it is given. A smile can have several meanings (happiness, embarrassment, pain, etc.). Always check with your partner that you don't misunderstand their feelings.
- Trust your intuition. With time, you'll be able to read your partner's non-verbal messages better and better. With patience and determination, you'll even be able to understand what they can't express.
- You yourself are sending non-verbal signals to your partner. Try to be aware of them and make sure they fully match what you are feeling. If your posture is relaxed, you will inspire confidence in your partner.
- Good eye contact allows you to convey your love, tenderness and desire and makes it even easier to communicate your feelings.