Foreplay: the Cornerstone of Sexuality

Long considered simple preparation for penetration, foreplay, or non-penetrative sexual activity, takes up an important part of modern human sexuality. It plays a decisive role in arousal, sexual satisfaction, the quality of a relationship and how a couple may react to eventual sexual difficulties.

We can define foreplay as all the intimate, emotional and physical behaviours, practised by one or more people, before or completely independent of penetration, in the aim of provoking or maintaining desire, arousal and sexual pleasure. Foreplay can also be called non-coital sexual activity (Kolodny et al., 1988 ; Ellis & Abarbanel, 2013).

The term covers a wide range of practices: kisses , caresses, massages, verbal stimulation, erotic activities, undressing, manual  or oral  stimulation of erogenous and genital areas. Other practices include, depending on the individual, more specific things such as role play, bondage or BDSM (Ember & Ember, 2003). Foreplay can be enriched through the use of sex toys that can increase pleasure and arousal and reinforce communication and intimacy between partners (Döring & Poeschl, 2020). This diversity reflects the plurality of individual preferences and the inclusion of foreplay in sexual scripts influenced by cultural and relational norms (Gagnon & Simon, 1973).

Population surveys show a significant increase in the prevalence of oral sex over recent decades. In France, for example, the survey Contexte des Sexualités (The Context of Sexualities) indicates that the prevalence of fellatio performed by women has passed from 63.2% in 1992 to 84.4% in 2023, and cunnilingus performed by men over the same period from 77.8% to 87.7% (Inserm-ANRS-MIE, 2024).

This data reflects a diversification of sexual repertoires, and the growing recognition of non-penetrative practices as legitimate sources of pleasure. What’s more, oral sex is practiced on every continent, regardless of religion, culture and ethnic origin (Pakpahan et al., 2022).

Historically, pioneering clinical studies on human sexual response, most notably that of Masters and Johnson (1966), integrated phases of stimulation and arousal as essential in the physiology of desire and orgasm. The classic model of human sexual response describes a sequence of phases: desire, arousal, orgasm and resolution (Basson, 2000 ; Masters & Johnson, 1966).

These models have made it possible to add nuance to linear, hierarchical views of sexual relations. Foreplay actively participates in the physiological mechanisms that lead to pleasure and/or orgasm, and cannot be reduced to simple ‘conditioning’. It mainly intervenes during the desire and arousal phases, promoting the activation of the autonomic nervous system and increasing blood flow to the genitals.

In women, this activation is reflected in the presence of vaginal lubrication, clitoral vasocongestion and increased genital sensitivity. In men, vasocongestion causes penile erection. These phenomena are dependent on both direct physical stimulation and psychological factors such as erotic anticipation, emotional context and the quality of the relationship.

What’s more, foreplay can help to reduce performance anxiety in some men or the fear of feeling pain in some women. This is because these types of sexual activity don’t rely on erection or penetration, but other forms of stimulation that are just as pleasant.

In one large study conducted in the United-States, Frederick et al. (2016) show that sexual satisfaction is associated with multiple variables linked to non-penetrative sexual activity: the frequency of kisses, caresses, the variety of sexual practices, giving and receiving oral, communicating desires and the creation of atmospheres conducive to intimacy.ere's a surprising stat for you: Dive into a 20-minute passionate play, and you might find that only 5 minutes of that is the main act. Yes, you heard that right. A whopping 15 minutes - that's three-quarters of the entire tryst - could be devoted to the sensual dance of foreplay.

Data about the female orgasm illustrates the heightened importance of foreplay. The average time it takes for a woman to reach orgasm during masturbation is around 7 to 8 minutes, compared to 14 minutes with a partner. This difference can be explained by less direct, systematical clitoral stimulation during penetration, compared to more constant clitoral stimulation during foreplay (Rowland et al., 2018). This explains why vaginal penetration alone is not enough for the majority of women to reach orgasm (Bhat & Shastry, 2020).

These results suggest that numerous difficulties with female orgasms aren’t due to sexual dysfunction, but ineffective or insufficient stimulation, particularly clitoral. Thus, longer-lasting stimulation significantly increases the probability of a woman reaching orgasm. For more extensive information on female pleasure, the site OMGyes has lots of educational videos explaining the different techniques of manual and oral stimulation for women.

Orgasms brought about by oral sex and manual stimulation are often rated as equally, sometimes even more satisfying than those stemming from penetration. This is why sexual scripts centred around penetration contribute to maintaining the gap in the number of orgasms between men and women, whereas more varied scripts that are centred on the clitoris reduce this gap (Blair, Cappell & Pukall, 2018).

In men, sexual satisfaction is also associated with variety in practice and the integration of non-penetrative activities. Frederick et al. (2016) show that sexually satisfied men are more likely to give and receive oral sex, as well as engage in tender, sensual behaviour (kisses, caresses, massages). Therefore, foreplay can be beneficial for both partners, regardless of gender, by favouring a more balanced sex life that’s less focused on penetration.

Foreplay plays a key role in building emotional intimacy. It allows people to create a climate of emotional security, conducive to expressing desires, limits and vulnerability. Frederick (2016) demonstrates that couples who maintain high levels of satisfaction over the long term are those who communicate the most about sexuality, staging intimacy, and the variety of intimate moments.

Kisses, hugs and acts of tenderness are associated with increased arousal, but also to reinforced feelings of attachment before, during and after sexual encounters (Heiman et al., 2011). These behaviours contribute to placing sexuality within a lasting relational dynamic, beyond the pursuit of orgasm or performance.

The ability for partners to negotiate and adapt to sexual scripts, meaning the way sexual activity unfolds (Gagnon & Simon, 1973), is associated with better sexual and relational satisfaction. Communicating preferences in certain practices allows the adjustment of the duration, nature and intensity of stimulation depending on each individual’s needs, thus reducing instances of misunderstanding and sexual frustration. This is why overly rigid or gendered sexual scripts can favour negative experiences of communication during sex, notably a negative perception of satisfaction, safety and consent (Smith et al., 2025).

Rather than reducing foreplay to a simple ‘step’ or ‘compulsory step before the act’, sexologists encourage couples to consider foreplay as moments of mutual exploration and emotional bonding that are destined to improve relational and sexual intimacy. It helps to create an atmosphere of trust, comfort and safety, allowing partners to express their needs and limits more easily.

Non-penetrative activities play a major adaptive role in treating sexual disorders. In women, foreplay is frequently recommended when treating dyspareunia and anorgasmia. Therapeutic approaches such as the Sensate Focus aim to rehabilitate sensory pleasure through gradual, erogenous stimulation, to then welcome genital sensations.

What’s more, Rowland et al. (2024) show that men who suffer from erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation are more likely to use complementary stimulation strategies, including non-penetrative practices, to maintain sexual arousal. Conversely, men who suffer with premature ejaculation are less likely to engage in foreplay, which can exacerbate the difficulties encountered.

Furthermore, a study shows that 52% of patients who were candidates for prostatectomy were already engaging in non-penetrative sexual intercourse before being diagnosed with prostate cancer. After surgery, 43% of couples had not yet resumed sexual intimacy, 32% had resumed penetrative intercourse, and 14% had resumed non-penetrative intercourse. Mutual caressing (85%), female oral sex (70%) and male oral sex (52%) were the most common forms of foreplay. Despite these changes, the level of sexual satisfaction remained high: 90% before and 86% after the operation (Minchaca et al., 2025).

These results indicate that erectile dysfunction is not a major obstacle to sexual satisfaction, provided that couples find a way to reinvent intimacy around non-penetrative practices. Similar results have been observed in men over 50 with erectile dysfunctions, for which non-penetrative sexual activities are associated with a higher level of sexual and relational satisfaction (Ševčíková et al., 2023).

Foreplay plays a fundamental role, not only in sexual satisfaction, but also in strengthening the bond between partners. Far from being incidental, it plays a key role in the physiological mechanisms of arousal, promotes orgasmic pleasure, supports emotional intimacy and offers adaptive strategies for dealing with sexual difficulties and health issues. Integrating foreplay into a holistic approach to sexuality therefore promotes a more appropriate, satisfying and shared vision of each individual's sexual, emotional and physical needs.