Sensate Focus: A Sensory Method for Improving Intimacy Within Couples

Sensate focus is a series of structured exercises that allow people to focus on touch and sensations, developed by William Masters and Virginia Johnson in their pioneering research on human sexuality (Masters & Johnson, 1970). It’s a gradual method, used to improve sexual dysfunction and restore intimacy within couples.

The main goal of this method is to shift attention from the ‘result’ (erection, wetness, orgasm, penetration etc.) towards the immediate sensory experience of touch, relaxation and connection between partners (Masters & Johnson, 1970 ; Weiner & Avery-Clark, 2016). Focusing on sensations in this way helps couples to reduce instances of spectatoring (the impression of watching yourself have sex, evaluating yourself from an outside perspective) and to allow sexual responses to emerge spontaneously (Brotto & Heiman, 2007; Weiner & Avery-Clark, 2016).

Touch, being physically close on a daily basis, sensuality and sexuality are all essential elements within relationships. At the beginning of a relationship, partners are often ‘stuck’ to one another. They touch, kiss frequently , prioritise each other over everything else, but eventually time and daily responsibilities cause them to drift apart physically. This is a normal experience, however, learning to preserve proximity and the desire to touch each other remains important. It’s also thanks to regular physical contact that couples create complicity, intimacy and desire, whether emotional or sexual.

Sexual function is natural, but it is learned and relearned throughout life. This learning process requires security, time, favourable conditions, as well as verbal and non-verbal exchanges. Sensate Focus aims to recreate all of these conditions so that the learning process can naturally continue. It allows people to revert back to those first steps of discovery regarding oneself and their partner, in order to revisit different ways of touching, exploring and communicating.

The exercises are designed to be performed at home, in the form of touch or light massage sessions, taken in turns, in a calm atmosphere conducive to intimacy. Partners practice two to three times a week, in sessions that last between 20 minutes and an hour, for several weeks or even months depending on each couple (Avery-Clark & Weiner, 2017).

The fundamental rule? Abstaining from sexual intercourse. Even if couples are naked, touching each other and feeling desire, pleasure is not the goal, nor is penetration or orgasm. The rules insist that both partners agree upon and respect this rule if they want to ensure positive results. Concentrating on one’s own sensory experience and abandoning all ideas of individual/marital performance are necessary if one is going to indulge in the pleasure of simple touch.

The goal of the Sensate Focus is to rebuild trust (in oneself and their partner) and to rediscover intimacy — which, over time, increases the ability to give and receive pleasure. By regularly doing these exercises in a calm environment, couples will notice, little by little, blockages and fears linked to pleasure disappear. Sensate Focus offers a time and place for people to update their knowledge on their partner’s body and desires, which often evolve over time.

The main objective is to restore a physical relationship free from performance or sexualisation (Avery-Clark & Weiner, 2017). Each person slowly, mindfully explores their partner’s body, avoiding erogenous and genital stimulation. This step decreases sexual hypervigilance and increases body consciousness (Seal & Meston, 2018). During this phase, all sexual activity is halted in order to restore intimacy and closeness without the pressure of engaging in sexual activity.

Thus, couples who struggle with differences in desire, arousal, pleasure, enjoyment, can put their differences to one side and focus on simple physical exchanges. What’s more, couples who suffer from sexual dysfunction (pain, erectile problems, vaginismus etc.) will put aside their frustration to take things back to a moment of shared sensations, whilst putting sexuality to one side.

Erogenous and genital stimulation is introduced, but arousal and orgasm are not the goal. The goal is to improve bodily communication, tolerance to being touched and knowledge of sensory preferences (Healthline, 2022). Each partner takes turns guiding the other with their hand, indicating rhythm, pressure and favourite areas. This allows for the other to learn or relearn sensory perception: touching and being touched.

This third phase can be added into the experience if the couple so wishes. Here, touch becomes reciprocal. Partners explore mutual masturbation , communicating the rhythm and intensity they enjoy, areas that feel pleasant and sensitive to the touch, all whilst keeping their attention centred on sensations and breathing (Avery-Clark & Weiner, 2017). This step aims to restore intimate coordination and trust within a relationship (Seal & Meston, 2018).

Once relaxation, communication and both non-sexual and sexual physical pleasure becomes customary, penetration can be gradually introduced (Stanford Medicine, 2023). In case of pain, anxiety or tension, returning to the previous phases is recommended (Tajik et al., 2022).

It’s completely normal to feel distracted, or to struggle connecting to sensations during the exercise. In this case, the recommendation is to focus on breathing, observing each inhalation and exhalation, or to use attentional metaphors derived from mindfulness (such as observing one's thoughts without letting oneself be carried away by them, gently bringing one's attention back to one's sensations, as one would redirect a spotlight…).

On the contrary, when sensations and arousal levels become too intense, reminding oneself about the rules of Sensate Focus will help couples to return to the original intention: feel, without immediate sexual intent. The goal of the exercise is, above all, for partners to reconnect, reduce pressure, break away from automatic responses and learn to be present and in the moment. Slow breathing, counting the inhale and exhale, and recentring oneself on simple sensations (pressure, heat, contact) can help to reduce arousal. Nevertheless, if sexual tension becomes too intense for one partner, it’s recommended that they masturbate after the experience, so as not to break the rules of the exercise.

The Sensate Focus reduces the pressure to ‘succeed’ in the bedroom — especially when one suffers from erectile, orgasm and arousal problems — by removing the goal of performance (Masters & Johnson, 1970 ; Avery-Clark & Weiner, 2017).

Increasing body awareness is associated with an overall improvement in female sexual function (Seal & Meston, 2018). Sensate Focus promotes this awareness by focusing on sensations, with no other goal than to feel. It replaces the pressure to ‘do well’ with simple sensory curiosity.

The procedure imposes a framework of non-verbal and then verbal communication, which is essential for struggling relationships (Huang et al., 2024). Discussions about sensations improve coordination, empathy and emotional proximity. These discussions also allow people to better understand what their partners enjoy, instead of relying solely on knowledge from the beginning of the relationship and a lack of effective communication. What’s more, over time, people’s tastes and practices can evolve. Sensate Focus allows partners to rediscover each other’s preferences.

The Sensate Focus acts as a gradual exposure to bodily sensations, making it useful when reducing fear surrounding sexual activities or penetration (Jindal & Jindal, 2010 ; Tajik et al., 2022). In case of pain and/or vaginismus, taking things slowly and communicating act as reassuring reference points, which gradually enable sexual practices to be mastered and adapted.

For women who suffer from problems with desire and arousal, improving body awareness and communication tends to lead to higher sexual satisfaction (Seal & Meston, 2018). What’s more, the Sensate Focus, when combined with relaxation exercises and/or the use of dilators, markedly improves symptoms of vaginismus (Jindal & Jindal, 2010). With regards to endometriosis, one study shows significant improvement in sexual function, and a decrease in pain after 8 weeks of practice (Tajik et al., 2022).

For men, taking away the idea of performing often improves erectile issues (Masters & Johnson, 1970 ; Huang et al., 2024). Furthermore, taking things slow improves the time it takes to appreciate sensations before ejaculation (Porto & Giuliano, 2013). Finally, the Sensate Focus is used to restore emotional connection in moments where partners struggle with spontaneity and desire (Avery-Clark & Weiner, 2017).

The Sensate Focus proves to be one of the most efficient, widely used tools in sex therapy. It is known for helping with problems such as vaginismus, dyspareunia, premature ejaculation, hypoactive desire, arousal disorders, erectile dysfunction (when psychogenic in origin) and loss of intimacy. The exercises are simple, adaptable and easy to implement, so it would be a shame to let them go to waste!