Mindful Orgasms or Automatic Orgasms? When Climax Comes Without Satisfaction

During sex therapy, it’s not uncommon for people to describe a seemingly paradoxical phenomenon: the body reacts, sexual tension diminishes, pelvic contractions/ ejaculation occurs, yet that orgasmic feeling seems to be missing. Thus, a disparity may be noted between the observed physiological response and the subjective experience of pleasure.

The sexocorporel model developed by Jean-Yves Desjardins brings us important insight on this disparity. This branch of sexology proposes we distinguish between what he calls orgasm, (what we have described here as mindful orgasms) and “orgaste” (what we have described here as automatic orgasms). This could explain certain sensations, such as the feeling of experiencing sex in an automatic way, feeling a release without enjoyment, premature ejaculation with low levels of satisfaction, or difficulty feeling pleasure throughout the whole body.

In the sexocorporel model, automatic orgasm (orgaste) refers to the reflexive and physiological release of genital sexual arousal. It corresponds to the moment in which all the tension accumulated reaches its threshold, triggering an automatic release of involuntary physiological responses: rapid breathing, rhythmic pelvic floor contractions, perineal muscles spasms, post-release relaxation and a gradual return to a less tense state. In men, this release is often associated with ejaculation, although the two phenomena do not necessarily occur simultaneously.

On a neurophysiological level, this series of actions is consistent with well documented mechanisms of the human response cycle. It involves the bulbar-spinal centres, the autonomic nervous system, the brain’s reward networks and the pelvic muscles (Cour et al., 2013 ; Georgiadis & Kringelbach, 2012). At this stage, the body fully releases pent-up sexual arousal. This is why, for some people, automatic orgasms can be extremely satisfying.

From this same perspective, the concept of a mindful orgasm denotes physiological release accompanied by the subjective experience of pleasure and enjoyment. With the reflexive response comes a wave of sensuality, a feeling of letting go, the spread of sensations throughout the body, a temporary decline in cognitive control and the impression of sensory and emotional fulfilment. This experience is also followed by feelings of relaxation.

In other words, all orgasms involve mechanical reflexes, but not all of these mechanical releases are necessarily accompanied by an orgasmic experience. This difference may help us to better understand why some people describe their sexual response as “mechanically efficient”, citing fleeting or unsatisfying pleasure.

This approach subscribes to contemporary visions of orgasm as a neuropsychological phenomenon. The work of Meston and colleagues (2004) remind us that orgasms engage psychological, cognitive, emotional and relational dimensions simultaneously. Thus, the quality of pleasure depends just as much on bodily release as it does the way a person perceives the release, how mentally invested they are and how it forms part of their conscious experience.

One of the major insights of the sexocorporel model lies in the explanation of the differences between automatic and mindful orgasms through the use of arousal methods. These activities correspond to the physical, motor and attentional processes through which a person has gradually learnt to trigger, heighten and channel their sexual arousal, until they reach climax.

There are some concrete phenomenons: rhythm, pressure, position, breathing, muscle tone, pelvic movement, the involvement of the pelvic floor, focusing one’s attention on certain sensations, etc.

When these activities are primarily organised around release being efficient, they may favour automatic orgasms. Quick rhythm, heavy pressure, highly localised stimulation, shallow breathing and intense muscle contractions often contribute to reflexive release. On the other hand, they leave little space for a gradual build-up of pleasure and its sensory diffusion around the body, these things being more likely to trigger mindful orgasms.

This distinction has important clinical significance, as it sheds new light on common reasons for seeking sex therapy. Some forms of female anorgasmia, for example, don’t stem from an absence of physiological release, but more so a difficulty in transforming this release into a mindful, pleasurable experience. Similarly, some cases of premature ejaculation are accompanied by low subjective satisfaction, despite having a perfectly functional physical response.

Pelvic mobility is a central aspect of the sexocorporel model. It favours genital vasocongestion, the diffusion of sensations around the body, and the synchronisation of movements, breathing and arousal. The more the pelvis is involved in tilting and rocking, the more likely sensations are to spread past the genital area. By becoming less localised, pleasure is more likely to favour a mindful orgasm.

Breathing is another crucial factor. Deep breathing helps regulate muscle tone, reduces peripheral tension and enhances one’s ability to focus on bodily sensations. Conversely, shallow breathing can lead to rapid release and limit the quality of the pleasure experienced.

Beyond physical aspects, the distinction between orgaste and orgasm highlights the role of cognitive and emotional processes. Orgasm, or mindful orgasm, implies a certain suspension of voluntary control and a psychological openness to sensations. There are numerous factors that can interfere with this openness: performance anxiety, fear of no longer having control, difficulty letting go, spectatoring, negative beliefs concerning sexuality, fear of being judged and being hypervigilant about one’s environment.

In these kinds of situation, the body is awaiting release, but the mind isn’t fully involved in the experience as it’s swept up by things besides the purely sexual. The works of Brotto, Basson and Luria (2008) show that paying mindful, non-judgemental attention to one’s sensations significantly enhances the quality of sexual pleasure. That’s why a mindful practice (slow sex, for example) is highly recommended.

What’s more, Edard and Rusinek (2020) showed that women who report higher levels of sexual satisfaction describe more frequently active participation of the pelvis, better perception of sexual sensations, more varied body language and more positive perceptions of sex. Conversely, women who are less satisfied may show reduced attention to sensory input, as well as greater control and inhibition of their sensations.

Trouble with reaching orgasm can also stem from organic, psychological, relational or sexual issues. Psychologically, it’s difficult to let go, there’s a fear of losing control, of being heard by children or neighbours, of intimacy, negative perceptions of sexuality or masturbation, a lack of education and a poor or non-existent imagination. The weight of certain myths and taboos also play a part (Gourier, 2013).

Relational causes may include hostility towards one’s partner, existing power dynamics within the couple, or the upholding of a pattern characterised by premature ejaculation and anorgasmia. Sexually, this can manifest as insufficient stimulation, or stimulation that has been learned in a very specific way when alone but is difficult to replicate with a partner; premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction; a lack of desire; or pain during intercourse (Gourier, 2013).

You may find it helpful to focus on:

• Tilting the pelvis
• Rocking the pelvis
• Reducing peripheral tension
• Breathing
• Overall sensations and how the whole body is involved
  

To achieve this, you can:

• Slow things down
• Breathe deeply
• Move your pelvis
• Relax your neck and jaw
• Increase your range of motion
• Diversify the body parts you focus on during sex
• Vary pressure and cadence
• Embrace sensory experiences and focus on the pleasure they bring
• Explore other sensations, savouring the internal and external sensations they bring
• Note the tensions that lead up to a release
• Let excitement die down in order to enjoy the sensations and pleasure for longer
  

The significant difference between the concepts of orgaste and orgasm reminds us that the human sexual response cannot be reduced to a series of mechanical, neurovascular or muscular phenomena, however important these may be. The quality of pleasure also depends on the richness of the sensory experience, the involvement of the whole body, the fluidity of movement, breathing, conscious erotic perception and the psychological capacity to fully enjoy the experience, whether personal and/or relational.

The focus should shift from mere functioning to the subjective experience of pleasure. The question is no longer simply whether the release has occurred, but how it was experienced, felt and integrated. Thus, the sexocorporel approach helps people to inhabit their bodies, their genitals and their pelvis, and to be aware of their movements, sensations and pleasure. For couples, this approach can be beneficial in helping partners to adapt better to one another and harmonise their pleasure, moving towards a fully satisfying sex life.