How Your Sex Life Changes after Becoming a Parent

Having children can massively shake up a couple’s life. While this transition is often considered from a familial, emotional, organisational and identity perspective, it also has a huge impact on a couple’s sex life. Research shows that this experience is often accompanied by a decrease in desire, the number of sexual relations and sometimes overall sexual satisfaction. Nevertheless, these difficulties are transitory and evolve as years go by.

Studies show an increase in sexual difficulties amongst new parents, particularly during the first year after birth. Frequency of sexual encounters reduces significantly between pregnancy and the first few months after giving birth in the majority of heterosexual couples (Jawed-Wessel & Sevick, 2017). What’s more, mothers also report problems with desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, a decrease in sexual satisfaction and pain during sex (Boarta et al., 2025). Fathers also notice differences, mainly sexual concerns and dissatisfaction related to fatigue and stress (Tavares et al., 2019).

One recent study (Binet et al., 2026) revealed five main themes regarding postpartum intimacy:

• Reorganising one’s sex life around the baby
• Modified sexual intimacy
• Managing discomfort and pain
• Managing decreased/ a difference in desire levels within couples
• Accepting the changes to a woman’s body

Most couples retain a satisfying sex life and low levels of distress in the long term. Only a minority of mothers (not fathers) experience a significant and persistent decrease in sexual function and significant distress related to their sexuality (Tavares et al., 2023). What’s more, the sexual well-being of each partner is affected by the stress perceived in the other (Tavares et al., 2019), which is why it’s important to help one another.

The postpartum period combines several biological factors that can destabilise a person’s sex life: hormonal changes, decreased vaginal lubrication, breastfeeding, perineal trauma, specifically episiotomies, and postnatal depression. The most frequent side effects include dyspareunia (pain), decreased sexual desire and satisfaction (Freitas et al., 2024). In one study, amongst the 76% of women suffering from postpartum sexual dysfunctions, decreased sexual desire was the most common (79%) (Rezaei et al., 2018).

A comprehensive review of 15 studies highlight that the probability of having a sexual dysfunction in the first 6 months to a year postpartum depends on the impact of breastfeeding, the quality of the relationship between partners, postpartum pain, vaginal tearing and the mode of delivery (Boarta et al., 2025).

Breastfeeding plays a particular role in the emergence of sexual difficulties, in particular through a decrease in oestrogen, an increase in prolactin and fatigue due to such hormonal changes. Exclusive breastfeeding is associated with lower sexual functioning scores and a higher probability of dyspareunia in the first few months, even though these differences tend to diminish between 6 and 12 months postpartum (Boarta et al., 2025 ; Sun et al., 2024). A decrease in sexual desire whilst breastfeeding is completely normal, as an increase in prolactin, a hormone that’s necessary in order to produce milk, can cause this.

As well as biological factors, mental health also plays a central role in sex postpartum. Depressive and anxious symptoms, altered body image and parental overload are some of the first indicators of decreased desire and difficulty investing in one’s sex life (Tenfelde et al., 2019). It’s a period with a lot of worries concerning caring for the child, being a good parent, how solid one’s couple is, the ability to manage daily life and fatigue, social and family obligations etc.

These psychological changes interact closely with the biological factors previously mentioned: chronic fatigue, sleep disorders and hormonal changes can exacerbate emotional vulnerability, that contribute to a downward spiral affecting desire, arousal and sexual satisfaction.

The quality of the couple's relationship is a key factor, particularly during the early stages of parenthood. Emotional intimacy, perceived support and the ability to communicate condition the way couples cope with sexual changes. Indeed, women's sexual desire after childbirth is strongly linked to their feeling of closeness to their partner, their perception of their partner's desire and the quality of their emotional and logistical support (Matthies et al., 2019). What’s more, even if the frequency of relations reduces overall, couples who maintain loving, supportive relationships are more able to preserve their sexual well-being (Lorenz et al., 2020). Talking openly about one's concerns, while respecting and considering the other person is therefore associated with better sexual health and a gradual return of desire.

Parental stress is another factor that can explain postpartum difficulties regarding sex. Reorganising roles, increased mental load and less time as a couple all reduce the emotional and physical availability of partners. A recent study indicates that sexual function and intimacy decline between pregnancy and four months after childbirth, but sexual satisfaction does not, suggesting that partners can adapt positively to these changes. Thus, intimacy, adaptability and empathy are, once again, crucial (Binet et al., 2026).

Another important factor is social support. Sharing the mental and logistical load with family and friends reduces psychological distress and favours adapting to being parents (Hugues et al., 2020).

Reduced sexual activity and a decrease in desire can have repercussions on overall relational satisfaction and be a source of conflict. The difference in desire levels from father to mother can continue for years after birth of the child, especially when said partners don’t often communicate their feelings, or if these difficulties aren’t taken care of (Binet et al., 2026; Rosen et al., 2021; Tutelman et al., 2022). These discrepancies can fuel feelings of rejection, guilt or misunderstanding, which can have a lasting impact on emotional intimacy and parenting.

For the majority of women, sexual function returns to near pre-pregnancy levels from 6 months postpartum, although the frequency of sexual encounters often remains lower than before (Connolly et al., 2005). The prevalence of dyspareunia decreases from 31% at 3 months to 12% at 24 months postpartum (Rosen et al., 2022).

Nevertheless, dyspareunia and sexual dysfunctions can persist past 24 months postpartum in some women, specifically those who have a history of chronic pain, negative and definitive thoughts about pain or symptoms of depression and fatigue during pregnancy and the postpartum period (Rosen et al., 2022).

Sexual changes are rarely linear: they oscillate depending on time constraints, sleep, successive pregnancies and life events, with phases of distance and others of closeness (Grussu & Quatraro, 2021). In the longer term, parenthood is part of a continuum in which sexuality also evolves with age, the length of the relationship and overall health. The birth of a child acts more as a revealer or amplifier of pre-existing couples dynamics than as an isolated cause of sexual difficulties.

Identifying early on women at risk of postpartum complications (perineal trauma, persistent pain, depressive symptoms etc) will help to identify the specific medical care required, including pain reduction, perineal rehabilitation, a mental health evaluation and the administration of medication if necessary (Freitas et al., 2024).

Approaches centred on communication, adjusting expectations and redefining intimacy are particularly appropriate during this phase of life (Lorenz et al., 2020; Tavares et al., 2019). Beliefs about sexuality (for example, the idea that “normal” sexuality should return quickly and be identical to what it was before) need to be nuanced in order to restore a pleasant, flexible and less restrictive sexuality.

This involves incorporating alternative or non-penetrative caresses into sexuality, restoring sensuality and caring for the body in order to maintain a physical and emotional connection without pressure to perform. Sensate Focus exercises can help couples to reestablish intimate connections, if they manage to find some calm moments in the day (for example during baby’s nap time, or after putting them down to bed in the evening, if both partners aren’t feeling too exhausted).

In a study aimed at looking into the strategies used by women to adapt to the arrival of a child, support and mutual understanding help to reinforce intimacy and deal with changes. Modifying and adapting sexual scripts favour renewed sexuality, especially in the case of pain or discomfort linked to physical transformations. Taking some time for oneself is important when it comes to managing emotions and alleviating emotional turmoil associated with the demands of motherhood. To summarise, the strategies to adopt in the postpartum period should be centred around acceptance, personal care, partner support, moments together, alone time, and adapting sexual relationships (Delgado-Pérez et al., 2022).

When dealing with medical professionals, it’s essential that couples get accurate information about postpartum sex, as well as efficient strategies for them to discuss and manage their sex-related worries. To provide couples with more peace of mind, normalising fluctuations in sexual desire and frequency of intimate relations, reducing guilt and encouraging partners to ask questions to each other/ a professional are all beneficial steps.

Regularly asking questions about a couple’s postpartum sex life during consultations can help to break down taboos surrounding related problems and make it easier for people to get necessary care. Training health professionals in perinatal sexuality is therefore a necessary issue in the public health sphere. Many professionals insist upon the need for the topic of sex to be integrated into antenatal and postnatal programmes, in order to provide parents with realistic sexual guidelines based on scientific literature (Boarta et al., 2025 ; Grussu & Quatraro, 2021 ; Rezaei et al., 2018).

Sexuality after the birth of a child is a complex phenomenon that’s influenced by biological, psychological, relational and social factors. Research on this subject agrees on several key points:

• Frequency of sexual relations, as well as desire levels, often diminish in the months leading up to and following birth
• Sexual satisfaction can also decrease and sometimes even be a source of distress
• Emotional intimacy, perceived support and the quality of one’s relationship are all decisive factors
• Strategies that focus on communicating and adapting sexual practices can help couples to traverse this period