How Do Smartphones in the Bedroom Impact Your Sex Life?

Their continued presence raises various public health concerns and modifies how we experience human interactions. To take things one step further than the effects of smartphones on sleep or concentration, more and more researchers are turning their attention to how they can effect romantic and sexual relationships.

Mobile phones have become the most used technological tool in all of human history (Lopez-Fernandez et al., 2017). In the UK, 96% of people are mobile phone users, with 100% of people aged 16-25 owning a smartphone (USwitch, 2025).

On a global scale, the average time spent on one’s phone per day is 5 hours. In the UK, this average sits around 3.49 hours per day (USwitch, 2025), which equates to almost one full day per week, with the majority of this time being dedicated to social media.

Overall, screening studies estimate that the prevalence of smartphone dependence varies between 0.1% and 35%, with the most common results recorded being between 10% and 20% (Olson et al., 2022). A study by researchers at King's College London estimates that around 1 in 4 children and young people use their smartphones in a way that is consistent with behavioural addiction (Sohn, S.Y., Rees, P., Wildridge, B. et al., 2019).

Smartphones are regularly used as a way to compensate for negative emotions borne out of disruptions to one’s daily life, to regulate one’s emotions, or to calm down after a tense moment (Elhai et al., 2016 ; Hoffner & Lee, 2015 ; Hefner & Vorderer, 2016). Some researchers consider these devices as veritable extensions of ourselves (Belk, 2013), social companions (Carolus et al., 2019), or objects comparable to that of a childhood teddy, capable of calming anxiety, boredom, and solitude (Fourquet-Courbet & Courbet, 2017).

What’s more, being constantly connected has become a normal way of living for those in developed countries (Bayer et al., 2016). Smartphones help people to communicate, stay in contact with peers and family members, maintain social cohesion and reinforce friendships (Trepte & Scharkow, 2017 ; Chui, 2015 ; Ling, 2012 ; Ellison et al., 2014). These are all incredible benefits, but they lead to a form of societal expectation that is being ‘connected’ (Bayer et al., 2016). Thus, this leads people to believe that they must be available at all times to respond to others.

Even the way smartphones and their applications work favour dependence. Every notification, every like, acts as a reward that reinforces habits and potentially addiction (Billieux et al., 2015 ; Vezzoli et al., 2023). Thus, on average, 70% of users in England consult their smartphone every 5 minutes, activating it over 220 times a day. 63% of them admitted to having used their phones without consciously meaning to, and without a specific purpose in mind (Tecmark, 2014).

Whilst smartphones do respond to social needs, they can also become competition for human interaction. Researchers use the term ‘phubbing’, a contraction of ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’, to refer to the idea of ignoring someone and instead focussing on one’s phone (Chotpitayasunondh & Douglas, 2016). In daily life, this is a fairly common phenomenon: checking a notification during a conversation, scrolling through social media whilst at the dinner table, or interrupting what one is doing in order to answer a phone call, etc.

Many studies indicate that partner phubbing (i.e., snubbing one’s partner to instead focus on one’s phone) is associated with reduced relationship satisfaction, emotional intimacy and overall feelings of connection (Roberts & David, 2016 ; Vanden Abeele et al., 2019 ; Chmielik & Błachnio, 2022). Indeed, romantic relationships are built primarily on mutual attention. Eye contact, listening, emotional responses and everyday interactions form the foundation of the emotional bond.

Technological interruptions can lead to difficulties in the quality of communication and how connected a person feels to their partner (Przybylski & Weinstein, 2013). This behaviour may seem anodyne, but it still passes the message across that “whatever is happening on my phone is more important than what’s happening between us”. What’s more, those who experience phubbing on a regular basis report higher levels of frustration, sadness, rejection and dissatisfaction within their relationships (Frackowiak et al., 2023).

Thus, a vicious cycle begins to unfold (Paitel & Cherikh, 2025):

Bedtime represents a rare moment of shared calm in our daily routine. It’s a privileged space where couples can chat, have a cuddle, initiate sex… however when this time is taken over by screens, moments for intimacy and tenderness are reduced (Salmela, Colley & Häkkilä, 2019).

Concerning digital habits, 74% of couples use a smartphone or a tablet whilst in bed at least once a week. Couples questioned about this subject in a survey also said they systematically sleep with their smartphone on charge next to the bed. Moreover, 44% reported having been awoken by the noise and 41% by the light coming from their partner’s phone. 20% declared that this happens on a weekly basis. Amongst these users, 16% of them recognise that their partner has difficulties sleeping due to the light from their phone, but this does not push them to change their habits (Salmela, Colley & Häkkilä, 2019).

A French survey revealed that one in two couples consult their smartphone when in bed, with this figure jumping up to 75% in partners aged 18-34. One in five young adults look at their smartphone instead of their partner before going to sleep (Poll & Roll, 2021). Another surprising fact: 15 to 20% of young people are capable of responding to a call or a text message during sex (Poll&Roll, 2021 ; Mercier & Boisson, 2019).

In addition to this, 67% of them consult their smartphone in the middle of the night, and one in four people consult their notifications before saying good morning to their partner. 33% of French people say that they would prefer giving up sex for a week instead of their phone for the same amount of time (Poll&Roll, 2021).

More recently, Paitel and colleagues (2025) showed that smartphone addiction is associated with reduced relationship satisfaction, which in itself affects sexual satisfaction, in a sort of ricochet effect. Frequent smartphone use also provokes sleep problems (Chang et al., 2015 ; Yogesh et al., 2018), which can in turn have a negative impact on desire and fostering long-term relationships.

Couples are encouraged to talk openly about phubbing and establish explicit rules once discussion and negotiation is finished (Paitel & Cherikh, 2025). In the study “Young Couples, Love, and the Mobile Phone: A Manual” (Les jeunes couples, l’amour et le téléphone portable : mode d’emploi), (Mercier & Boisson, 2019), the most agreed upon rules, whether that be for new couples or well-established couples, are:

• The ‘table’ rule, meaning no phones at the dinner table
• The ‘trust’ rule, meaning do not go through a partner’s phone
• The ‘film’ rule, meaning no phones whilst watching a film
• The ‘private life’ rule, meaning no professional calls the evenings or weekends
• The ‘bedroom’ rule, meaning phones should be left outside the bedroom, or on aeroplane mode during the night
  

Amongst those who introduce these phone-free periods, 40% prefer to switch off their phones (turning them off or putting them on flight mode) rather than simply disconnecting from apps, limiting usage or imposing a penalty for use. The ideas in the following chart may inspire couples looking for fun, challenging ways to keep intimate moments alive:

The results of establishing such rules speak for themselves. Forty percent of young people who have spent an evening with no phones say that it strengthened their relationship. Amongst them, 52% used this time to talk and 56% to have sex. Moreover, 63% of partners that establish rules say that they’re easy to enforce (Mercier & Boisson, 2019).

Before picking up your phone, it’s a good idea to ask yourself “What do I really need my phone for right now?” Phones have become such a habit that we no longer question what we really need to use them for. Are we looking to relax, for comfort, human contact, or simply to pass the time? Once identified, you can then ask yourself “Can I fulfil this need through my relationship?”, “Can my partner help me with what I’m looking for?” If the answer is yes, then it would be a shame to lose out on real human interaction!

Furthermore, one of the most important conclusions made in scientific literature is: the problem isn’t the smartphone in itself, but how it’s used when it comes into competition with attention, availability and intimacy within a relationship (Roberts & David, 2016 ; Vanden Abeele et al., 2019 ; Denecker et al., 2024). Regarding relationships, sexuality and the fulfilment they can bring us, a moment of genuine connection is often worth more than hundreds of notifications.

Some researchers recommend simple exercises designed to help couples reconnect. One example is spending 20 minutes per day talking with your partner, no phones involved, where your attention is fully focused on each other. Take turns talking about your day without being interrupted. Look at your partner whilst they talk, actively listen to them and validate their emotions, these are a few of the most nurturing actions in a relationship. The goal here isn’t to resolve problems, but simply to connect. These moments increase proximity and emotional security, which are both strongly linked to sexual satisfaction (Paitel & Cherikh, 2025).

Hyperconnection has a tendency to reduce our attention span. We switch continuously from one form of stimulation to another: checking notifications, watching videos, reading messages, answering calls, etc. This scattered behaviour can transfer into the bedroom. The Sensate Focus (Masters & Johnson, 1970) consists of spending 20 minutes exploring physical contact with a partner, without any sexual goal, simply by massaging one another. It’s a very simple exercise that favours physical and emotional reconnection, as well as the idea of taking time out specifically for your relationship.

The same principle applies for other sensory experiences: taking a bath together, going for a walk whilst holding hands, eating a meal together. Another idea is taking 10 minutes before bed to talk or share a tender moment together as a way of establishing proximity. The aim is to put regular, phone-free rituals in place (Paitel & Cherikh, 2025).

It’s also recommended to have a designated space in the house (a box, basket or drawer) in which phones are to be put during these moments (Paitel & Cherikh, 2025). This strategy reduces anxiety in relation to the visible presence of the phone, and also increases emotional availability (Sapacz et al., 2016).

The good news is that smartphones can also have a positive impact on relationships. One study showed that numerous partners use smartphones daily to send each other sweet messages, to maintain contact when physically separated, share snippets of their day and even to express desire. Amongst those aged 18–35 years old, 74% of couples call each other daily, 91% send affectionate messages and 66% sext. For 63% of them, smartphones are a way of thinking about their partner, by looking at a photo on their lock screen, communicating with them, seducing them etc. It is a tool that improves 36% of couples relationships, as it can, amongst other things, be a source of laughter and shared fun (84 %) (Mercier & Boisson, 2019).

Sexting (when consensual), can also be a privileged channel for communicating expectations and desires. Some partners, for example, perceive these exchanges as foreplay to sex (Demonceaux, 2014). In a stable relationship, it can be associated with higher levels of satisfaction when used as a way to express and explore intimacy (Parker et al., 2013).

Smartphones are less of a direct cause for the difficulties (whether emotional or sexual) in a relationship, and more of a facilitator of certain relationship dynamics. When used to maintain a connection, communicate and share moments with a partner, it can enrich a relationship. When used as a refuge in the face of fatigue, stress, boredom or emotional discomfort, on the contrary, it risks diverting the partners’ attention and undermining the relationship.

The good news is that nothing is fixed in stone. A few simple rules, time away from screens and more mindful attention paid to your relationship is often enough to reestablish that connection. At the heart of things, it’s not the amount of time a partner spends on their phone, but the things they miss out on in their relationship whilst on their phone!