The ultimate guide to sexting

Posted on 5 April 2023 by Natalia
The ultimate guide to sexting
While the practice of exchanging erotic or sexual messages by text (known as sexting) is a recent phenomenon, there are some basic rules of etiquette that must be observed. Exchanging naughty messages does not exempt you from minding your manners. Respecting the recipient and knowing when it may be inappropriate to send a message are among the implicit rules to follow. That way, your partner will love hearing from you and your dirty mind!

In this article, the LOVE Team will explain the basic principles of sexting, focusing on the importance of consent and building mutual trust. We’ll show you how to write sultry messages that will capture your partner's imagination, and warn you about the most common mistakes.

Ready to write down your wildest fantasies? You'll soon know how to fan the flames and drive your sexting partners crazy with desire.

Make sure your partner is on board

The first thing you need to do is make sure that your partner consents to the idea of exchanging erotic messages in writing. Consent is, of course, the cornerstone of any relationship: without it, there can be no exchange, at the risk of offending or even hurting the other person. Here are some tips on how to broach the subject subtly yet skillfully:

  • Discuss your expectations at a moment when you're both relaxed. If you don't have enough time or your partner isn't available, leave it for later.
  • Be clear and honest about your intentions. Allow your partner to express his or her own wishes without interrupting.
  • Pay close attention to their reaction. Sexting is only exciting if both parties are on board. Don’t force your partner’s hand.
  • Agree on some ground rules. You can start by agreeing on a certain level of language, deciding not to use too intimate a tone from the start, and adjusting the content of your messages as you go along.
  • Check in regularly with your partner to make sure they want to continue sexting with you and are happy with your exchanges.

Don't insist if your partner seems embarrassed

Remember that mutual respect will keep your relationship running smoothly. If your partner is uncomfortable with the idea of sexting, don't insist. Sexting should remain an enjoyable and exciting practice, so there's no point in forcing someone to interact in a way they don't like. Don’t pressure them or try to manipulate them, as this will damage your relationship and their trust in you. Show understanding and accept their decision calmly. It's the best thing you can do for each other!

Be creative!

Sexting is a fun and naughty way to show your desire for your partner. Be creative and original! It's by surprising your partner that you'll excite them the most and arouse their desire. Here are some examples to show your creative side:

  • Flowery language, poetic and fiery metaphors, subtle wordplay... Describe your fantasies, captivate your partner, and show him how much he inspires you. They'll love it!
  • Create an erotic scenario inspired by your partner's deepest fantasies: dress up, take photos, and send them to your partner. They’ll be blown away!
  • Write a sultry poem to convey your desire: include rhymes, bold images, sound effects... Let your imagination run wild. Your partner will appreciate the romantic and erotic gesture.
  • Experiment with role play. Why not suggest a few sexy dares to your partner? These games, based on your mutual fantasies, will help stoke the fire of your desire.
  • On top of written messages, send photos, gifs and audio recordings. Spice things up!

  • It's important to check beforehand whether your partner wants to receive explicit photos. Ask them openly and respect their answer. 
  • Do you trust your partner completely? Are you sure that they will never share these photos with anyone else? What would be the consequences? Always think before you engage in an exchange that you may regret one day.
  • When sending explicit photos, protect your identity: blur out anything that could make you recognisable (jewellery, tattoos, background elements, etc.) to increase your level of protection. This will make it more difficult to identify you in the event your partner leaks the photo to other people.
  • Non-consensual sharing of explicit photos, and especially "revenge porn" (the unauthorised distribution of intimate photos), are punishable by law. Respect your partner’s privacy and keep any of their photos to yourself.
  • If you send explicit photos, your partner must also respect the rules you have set. Make sure you are clear about how these photos will be stored, shared and used in the future. This will ensure mutual trust and allow you to enjoy sexting with complete peace of mind.

Surprise your partner with naughty messages

What could be better after a boring day at work than receiving a message that is both tender and explicit? Keep the passion alive and keep surprising your partner. They’ll be incredibly excited about your next romantic rendezvous.

  • Send your sext when you know your partner is available and not swamped at work (at lunchtime, for example).  
  • The more suggestive your message, the more it will arouse their curiosity. Avoid long rants – all you need is a few suggestive words that will arouse your partner's desire. 
  • The idea is to arouse your partner's desire. Talk about what you’re planning on doing to them during your next romantic evening together, and what kind of erotic surprises you have in store. 
  • Keep it light and don't be insistent. Your partner should understand that the aim of this message is to arouse his desire and to create an intimate bond from a distance.
  • If you have any doubts about your partner's reaction, or if you feel you're overstepping their boundaries, take another tack: send them a romantic message instead, and you can try sexting another time.

Don't send a sext at the wrong time

Think ahead: don't send a sext at the wrong time, as that could make your partner feel uncomfortable. You don't want to embarrass them or make their life more difficult after all.

  • Don't sext your partner during an important event (meeting, cleaning, busy day at work), as this may make them resent you.
  • If your partner is temporarily busier than usual, going through a difficult time, or more fragile than usual, postpone your naughty talk. There will always be time to send them a sext when the down period is over.
  • If your partner is going through a period of mourning or personal crisis, put aside your desire to send erotic messages. It's better to show them your support and comfort in other ways at this time in their life.
  • Before you send your message, think for a moment: Is this the right time? How will the message be received? Is your partner in a good mood? If the answer to any of these questions is no, put the kibosh on your sexting.
  • If you feel that it’s the wrong time to send an explicit message, choose to be tender and reassuring instead. You'll strengthen your bond, and your partner will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Ask your partner about their fantasies

Getting to know your partner's fantasies will help strengthen your bond. Ask your partner about their wildest fantasies to make them understand how much you care about their pleasure. You’ll discover new ways of exploring your sexual relationship. Here's how to broach the subject delicately and respectfully:

  • Your partner needs to feel comfortable. You should reassure them and express your interest in them. The conversation can then unfold naturally, without embarrassment or restraint.
  • Encourage your partner to give you constructive answers by asking open-ended questions. This will give them time to think about how to express their wishes. For example, ask them what their favourite fantasy is, or if they'd like to try something new with you.
  • Ask them to describe in detail the scene they imagine: the perfect place, toys, scenario, sensations... Ask them to give you as many details as possible. That way you'll know how to make their most secret wishes come true.
  • Tell your partner about your own fantasies. This will show them that you trust them. This sharing of intimate desires will improve your relationship.

Don't mock your partner's fantasies

It's incredibly important to always respect your partner's fantasies. Your harsh words could legitimately hurt them and decrease the trust they have for you.

  • Keep an open mind and don't judge your partner: even if you find some of their fantasies a little bit out there, have respect for your partner and think about how you could incorporate elements of the fantasy into your intimate life.
  • Be an active listener and show empathy and understanding, even if your partner’s fantasies are nothing like your own.
  • Express your feelings gently. If their fantasy is unfeasible, shocking or embarrassing, say so without being too aggressive. This will help you to maintain open communication based on kindness and respect.

Delete your sexts after reading them

Protecting your privacy and personal data is an essential in these terminally online times. Sexting and other private images must be kept confidential, so it's crucial to do everything you can to preserve your privacy. Here's how to do it.
  • Once you've read your messages, delete them right away. If your phone is lost, stolen or hacked, the risk of your messages being leaked without your consent will be considerably reduced. 
  • Opt for a secure messaging system with end-to-end encryption for total confidentiality. You’ll reduce the risk of your messages being hacked by malicious users.
  • Ask your partner to delete the sext messages you send them, and explain the risks of keeping the message if they aren’t already aware. 
  • It's possible that your messages are being automatically saved on iCloud or Google Drive without you even noticing. Delete these backups to avoid nasty surprises.
  • When in doubt, don't send the message. You'll have plenty of time to turn your partner on later, by another means. Don't take any unnecessary risks. Protecting your privacy and that of your partner is more important than anything else.

Never share your exchanges with anyone else

Exchanging sexts with your partner is a private matter. Keeping your conversations private is the number one rule that should never be broken. It's the only way to respect the trust your partner has placed in you and to ensure that your relationship stays honest and fulfilling. 

All your conversations should remain confidential. You wouldn't want your partner to make your messages public, so don't.

  • Don't forget that revealing your intimate exchanges could ruin your partner's reputation as well as your own. What's more, such disclosure could be disastrous for your partner's mental health, so think twice before sharing anything intimate.
  • Your relationship, which should be based on trust, would not survive such a betrayal.
  • Even verbally, don't reveal anything personal that your partner has told you: these intimate details are your business, not that of your colleagues or friends.
  • From a legal point of view, you could be prosecuted for invasion of privacy. Be careful to maintain absolute discretion in order to stay within the law.