The golden rules of having a threesome: the ultimate DO and DON’T list

The golden rules of having a threesome are clear: respect, communication and setting clear boundaries are essential to avoid missteps and enjoy an exciting and satisfying experience. To make your threesome a success, follow our DO and DON’T list...and most of all, have fun!

To avoid jeopardising your relationship, make a list of the reasons why you want to have a threesome in the first place.

• A shared fantasy: Check that your partner has also been fantasising about having a threesome. Both of you should be into the idea of a threesome – one partner shouldn’t be forcing the other into it.
• Spice up your relationship: Having a threesome to spice up your routine as a couple is a valid reason. Just remember to discuss boundaries beforehand!
• A mutual decision: You should make this important decision together. Take the time to discuss it and make sure you are aware of the risks involved.

Never force your partner. If they don't like the idea despite your attempts to persuade them, remember that respect is the most important thing in your relationship. Remember that it is better to maintain trust in your relationship than to have a threesome.

• Don’t pressure your partner: If you manipulate your partner into agreeing to something, they may resent it. Your relationship will inevitably suffer.
• Avoid emotional blackmail: This tactic should be avoided. Emotional blackmail can be devastating and cause your partner psychological harm.
• Respect your partner’s limits: If your partner clearly refuses to take part in a threesome, don't push them. Above all, respect their boundaries and show them that you are aware of their wishes.
• Show empathy: If your threesome plans cause your partner anxiety, give up and try to find other ways to rekindle the erotic flame between you.

How do you choose the ideal third partner? You'll need to feel comfortable with them and agree on how things will go down.

• Use social media: You're bound to find the perfect partner for your threesome on a dating app. However, take the time to discuss your criteria for a new partner with your current partner before arranging a first meeting.
• Plan a first date: This is a good opportunity to get to know each other and talk openly about your desires and limits.
• Make sure they get tested: It may not be sexy, but make sure that everyone is screened for STIs before getting down.

If you include someone close to you in your threesome, you run the risk of permanently damaging the friendly relationship you've built up.

• Risk of awkwardness: The experience could be ruined by your closeness with the third partner. The situation could quickly become awkward, changing the nature of your relationship and leading to a friend break-up. A clear line must be drawn between your friendships and your intimate life.
• Jealousy issues: Don't risk ruining a valuable friendship. Above all, you must protect the mutual trust you have with your partner above all. Involving your close friends and family in your intimate life is a bad idea.

To avoid any misunderstandings, you and your partner need to set clear rules: discuss, communicate and exchange information to make sure that your threesome goes smoothly.

• Discuss your boundaries: what are you willing to do? What do you absolutely refuse to do? Is vaginal and/or anal penetration on the table? What about oral sex?
• Decide on your safe word: A safe word will allow you to let the other person know that you’re not okay with what’s going on and want to end the session immediately.
• Make some adjustments if necessary: If you don’t want the third partner to actually participate in the session, maybe it would be exciting enough to have them stay as a simple spectator, watching you and your partner get it on.
• Communicate with the third partner: You should keep the third partner informed of the rules you have devised. Trust and respect are key.

It's important to prepare your threesome thoroughly to avoid any unpleasant surprises.

• Avoid excessive alcohol or drug use: You’ll want to keep your wits about you and remember the event.
• Plan ahead: It can be exciting when a threesome happens out of the blue. But remember that planning ahead will help you avoid misunderstandings and make sure you respect any boundaries you don't want to cross.
• Be aware of each other's feelings: Observe your partners and look out for signs of possible embarrassment or unexpected discomfort. Similarly, at the end of the session, plan some time to share your feelings and reassure each other that everyone's wishes have been heard.

For a threesome to be an enjoyable experience for everyone, all three partners should be actively participating. Everyone needs to feel wanted and valued.

• Both of your partners will feel comfortable with the group dynamic if you pay them both an equal amount of attention with kisses, caresses or other intimate gestures.
• Make sure that everyone is equally involved every step of the way, with kissing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and anything else that may be part of the main event.
• Let your partners express their desires clearly, listen to them and encourage open and constant communication.
• Thank your partners, compliment them and show your appreciation for the experience.

If you are too demanding in bed, you run the risk of annoying your partners or turning them off. They may also start to feel uncomfortable with the experience.

• Don't give orders, but rather make suggestions: Your partners will decide whether or not to respond to your requests. Everyone is free to do what they want, so always respect each other's choices and limits.
• Get everyone on board: When you start a new position or a new sexual game, check that everyone is willing and ready.
• Let things happen: An enjoyable sex session also depends on the atmosphere. Don't try to control everything, just let things happen and free yourself from unnecessary hang-ups.
• Adapt as you go along: It's possible that one of you will express discomfort during the act. You should always listen to your partners and organise the session appropriately.

Respecting your partner’s feelings is crucial to the future of your relationship, so always be upfront with them.

• Get your partner's permission before contacting the third person again.
• If you don't tell your partner first, recontacting the third person, seeing them again and developing a friendly relationship with them will legitimately lead to feelings of betrayal or jealousy.
• Tell your partner if the third person contacts you again.

For a threesome to be a success, you need to follow a few basic rules: always communicate with your partner sincerely, consider their wishes, and demonstrate mutual respect. That way, your threesome will be totally thrilling and drama-free!