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How to spank your partner: the essential guide

How to spank your partner: the essential guide

Posted on 10 February 2023 by Natalia
How to spank your partner: the essential guide
Sexuality is a rich and complex tapestry. Living out your fantasies with a complete freedom of spirit will enhance your partner play sessions. If you’ve ever dreamt of spanking your partner (and they have consented), read on!
The LOVE Team has whipped up this essential guide to help you spank your partner, whether you are a beginner or an expert.

Communication is the key to a successful experience

First of all, you and your partner should discuss your respective desires and boundaries. Make sure you both want to share the experience and agree on the intensity and frequency of your spanking sessions.

Before you start, set limits and define clear ways of communicating during the act. Using a safeword is the perfect way to tell your partner to stop during your session. It should be agreed upon in advance, to avoid confusion during play. You can also set a signal to alert the other person if you feel boundaries are being crossed, or to indicate other needs or preferences.


Respecting the boundaries you set together requires you to respect the safeword as soon as it is spoken. This will avoid misunderstandings and ensure that your session runs smoothly.

Choose a comfortable position for your partner

Choosing a position that is comfortable for your partner will make the experience more enjoyable. Here are the most popular spanking positions:

  • Kneeling: The spankee kneels and bends forward slightly to receive the spanking.
  • Standing: The spankee stands with their hands on their hips or leaning against a wall.
  • Reclining: The spankee reclines on a bed or sofa.
  • On all fours: The spankee is on all fours and leans forward slightly to receive the spanking.

Remember that comfort is important. For example, use a cushion to make the spankee feel comfortable. The position you choose should not cause back or joint pain.

Be flexible: change positions if one of you is uncomfortable. The aim is to find the best way to give and receive pleasure together in complete safety.

Practice before you spank

Before you spank your partner, you should test the force and pressure you intend to use. This will help you avoid accidentally hurting your spankee. Start gently, using your hand or a towel. Consider your partner's reactions and ask them if they’re enjoying your technique. Remember to always respect the boundaries you’ve set.
Spanking can be painful. Ask your partner which parts of their body are most sensitive and avoid touching them. Continue these rehearsals for as long as necessary until you feel confident and ready to do it for real. Communication is the key to any sexual relationship!

Start gently and gradually increase the rhythm!

Start your spanking session using gentle pressure and gradually increase the power and speed according to your partner’s reactions. Above all, listen to the spankee and take into account any signs of discomfort. If the pain becomes too great, stop immediately.
If your partner is clearly enjoying the experience, change your technique to switch things up and to avoid tiring yourself out. Remember to keep talking throughout the session!

Break out the toys!

Once trust has been established, consider using some BDSM toys to enhance your experience. Before actually using a toy to spank your partner, practice first to avoid injury and to ensure that you’re using it correctly.

Here are some examples of common spanking toys:

  • A paddle: A flat, soft toy, usually made of wood or leather, used for spanking. The strokes are more intense than those delivered by hand.
  • A whip: A toy, usually made of leather, used to hit the spankee from a distance. The strokes are lighter than those delivered by hand or with a paddle.
  • A flogger: a toy, usually made of leather, which allows for more intense strokes. It can also be used to gently caress your partner's body with the fronds.

Remember that it is important to use these objects carefully and keep communicating while using these toys to make sure your partner is enjoying the session.

Don't forget to talk things over with your partner afterward

When your spanking session is over, take some time to discuss the feelings you experienced during the session. This will ensure that the pleasure was shared by your partner and allow you to think about how to make things better next time, in case you’d like to try again.
Finally, spend some quality time with your partner afterwards. Massage them to release the tension and strengthen the intimate bond between you, so you'll be ready to get cracking again soon!