Vanilla Sex, Is it Really that Basic?

The reality is, loads of people are utterly satisfied by their simple, no-frills sex life. It’s not always about how complex your sexual practices are, what matters is the connection between partners and the moment you share together.

So, is vanilla sex really dull or is it just misunderstood?

Vanilla sex is the term used to describe what’s considered to be ‘classic’ sex acts, nothing extreme or fetishist.

We’re basically talking about sex without any added bits, no over-the-top roleplay, no strong dominant streak, no complicated accessories or complex scenarios. Simply two (or more) people enjoying a moment of pleasure together.

The term vanilla makes reference to ice cream, a classic flavour that’s universally loved despite its simplicity.

It’s often misunderstood, as it’s used as a synonym for boring. This, however, isn’t the case. All it really means is sex that isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel.

Nowadays, we’re exposed to an incredibly large amount of sexually explicit content, a lot of it pretty intense. Porn, social media, erotic literature… the list is endless. As a result, what some may deem ‘normal’ sex (although in reality there is no such thing), is considered dull in comparison.

There’s also this persistent idea that in order to be sexually fulfilled, you constantly have to be doing bigger and better things: more hardcore, more original, more impressive.

But in reality, a lot of people get enormous amounts of pleasure from having a simple sex life. The problem isn’t in vanilla sex itself, but this idea that it’s ‘not enough’.

The two are often used interchangeably, even though they aren’t the same thing.

Vanilla sex regroups all the ‘classic’ practices that don’t involve fetishist or extreme dimensions.

Slow sex, on the other hand, is all about rhythm and intention, taking your time, slowing things down and reconnecting with your sensations.

To recap:

• You can have quick, spontaneous vanilla sex,
• And you can have slow sex that’s still intense and incorporating varied practices.

The two can intersect, but they remain completely different concepts.

What makes your sex life satisfying isn’t necessarily how complex and unique it is, but simply whether you enjoy it or not.

Here are a few underappreciated things about vanilla sex:

• You can have a more natural connection with your partner
• You may feel less pressure to ‘perform’
• You can focus on individual sensations
• You are sometimes more attuned to your partner’s body

Vanilla sex can also be extremely reassuring, intimate and sometimes more emotionally intense.

Above all, it leaves room for something simple yet essential: being fully present in the moment.

Simple doesn’t mean monotonous, this is important to understand.

And of course, if you feel like it, you can add a little twist here and there without straying too far from the classics:

• Lube to intensify sensations
• A cock ring to prolong pleasure
• A discreet little vibrator that you can use together 

Nothing crazy, just a little something to boost the experience.

What if, instead of seeing vanilla sex as basic, we saw it as a genuine preference?

Not everyone wants to explore certain practices, and that doesn’t mean they’re not open-minded. It’s simply that people live their sexuality differently.

Feeling comfortable with a simple sex life also means:

• knowing what you want
• not giving in to external pressure
• accepting that pleasure isn’t measured by how original it is
  

Vanilla sex isn’t a ‘light’ or ‘inferior’ version of sex. It’s a form of sexuality in its own right, based on simplicity, connection and shared pleasure.

And sometimes, it’s precisely in this simplicity that we find the most genuine, the most intense… and the most satisfying experiences.