Understanding Allosexuality and its Place as the ‘Default’ Sexuality

With this article, we aren’t trying to put people into neat little boxes, we’re simply trying to provide terms that may be useful in helping people better understand the diversity of the human sexual experience.

To put it simply, allosexuality is a term used to describe a person who feels sexual attraction for others. An allosexual person can have desire for another person, fantasise, feel sexually aroused and have sex, whether this be often or not.

In some ways, this is how sexual desire is most often represented within our society, through the media, films or even in sex ed classes. For a long time, it was considered to be the norm, to such a point that there was no specific term for this type of person.

The term was coined by the asexual community, as a way to create a distinction between those who feel sexual attraction, compared to those who feel it either rarely or not at all.

Sexual attraction isn’t binary. It exists as more of a spectrum, and each person has their own, unique experience.

Allosexual people feel sexual attraction, either regularly or occasionally, depending on their personality, past experiences and current lifestyle.

Asexual people feel either very little or no sexual attraction whatsoever. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t experience love, tenderness or intimacy, however.

Greysexual people are those who fall somewhere in between the two (in the grey area of sexual attraction). This could be, for example, someone who rarely feels desire, or only experiences sexual attraction under certain conditions.

Allosexuality helps us to talk about these different experiences, whilst avoiding making one type of sexuality more important or ‘normal’ than the other.

An allosexual person doesn’t necessarily want sex all the time with the first person they see, nor is it the ‘ideal’ sexuality. Desire can be spontaneous or not, intense or not, stable or fleeting.

Some people experience desire consistently, others only in a specific context: like when trust, emotional connection, safety and novelty are present. Stress, fatigue, hormones, a person’s mental state or their overall mental load can also heavily influence desire.

Allosexuality isn’t one fixed idea, it encompasses a wide range of ways that a person can feel desire and sexual attraction.

In a relationship, allosexuality seems to go without saying… until partners libidos don’t match up. Even in a relationship where both individuals express sexual desire, rhythms, desire levels and needs can differ.

Putting into words how you identify can be really helpful if you want to better understand who you are, but you aren’t obligated to label yourself. Some people feel comfortable with the allosexual label, others not so much, some used to like it, but find that it no longer fits them. Certain people simply don’t feel the need to define themselves.

The important thing is to free yourself from expectations like wanting it ‘properly’, ‘often enough’ or ‘at the right time’. Desire is neither a performance nor a standard to be achieved. Part of understanding allosexuality also means learning about and respecting those that don’t experience desire the same way.

The term allosexuality allows us to give a name to a common experience surrounding desire, one that’s often been considered to be universal. By using this term, we’re opening the door to a more nuanced, inclusive, respectful vision of human sexuality.

Ultimately, there’s no ‘right’ way to experience desire. The truth is there exists a multitude of different, equally legitimate experiences, that all deserve to be recognised without judgement.