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How many people have you slept with? At first sight, this may seem like a simple question, but it often comes loaded with curiosity and sometimes even judgement. Body count (meaning the total number of a person’s sexual partners) is a hot topic, certainly on social media, where it’s been making the rounds. Some people like to be open about it, others private, and a lot of us are left wondering why it’s such a big deal. Why does this number deserve so much attention? And does body count really tell us something about ourselves, or is it all down to social constructs?
Before we get into numbers, let’s think about what they represent. When we talk body count, we’re talking about someone’s private life and personal experiences, but also the weight of an entire culture that aims to quantify everything, pleasure included.
Where Does the Obsession With Body Count Come From?
The term ‘body count’ was originally military jargon to mean the amount of casualties (bodies) in a battle. The term then made its way into popular culture, gaining traction via social media. It quickly became an oversimplified way to judge a person's sexual past, a figure that’s designed to reflect one’s experience levels or personal value.
This obsession, however, didn’t simply come out of thin air. It’s a continuation of our cultural heritage in which feminine sexuality has long since been controlled and judged, compared to masculine sexuality which is often glamorised. In other words, body count isn’t simply a number, it’s a mirror that shows us our continued contradictions between reclaiming sexual freedom and apparent moral judgements.
Body Count, AKA an Indication to Our Relationship With Sex
After hearing the answer to the question “what’s your body count?” people often begin to make assumptions — more sexual partners = more experience? Less sexual partners means = more credibility? These types of thoughts say a lot more about our own insecurities than they do about reality.
Some people see a higher body count as a sign that someone is curious, likes to explore, and feels confident in their body. Others see it as a sign of instability or insecurity. Neither of these ideas reflect the truth. A person’s sexual experience level can’t be measured by number of partners, but by the level of connection, communication, and shared pleasure.
Men vs Women: Two Ends of the Spectrum
Body count is still a sensitive subject, that’s because the topic is linked to one’s ego, self-assurance, and the fear of being judged. These feelings differ from person to person, as well as from gender to gender.
If we take men and women, for example, men talking about body count may stir up feelings of comparison or competition. Some see it as a proof of their worth, others may feel insecure when with partners that they deem ‘more experienced’.
Women, however, tend to have a more intimate relationship with body count. They often fear being judged or misunderstood. Body count can easily become a source of apprehension: “am I going to be judged for how many people I’ve slept with?”, “will people take me seriously after I say it?”, “will they still want me despite my past?”.
Such opposing reactions are indicative of the same issue: the weight that other people’s opinions have on us. As long as society continues to put labels on our sexual histories, we as individuals will find it difficult to live our lives confidently and authentically.
Do I Have to Tell My Partner My Body Count?
Some discussions help partners to better understand one another. Talking about one’s sexual history may mean speaking about past experiences, specific limits, likes and dislikes. Even so, this is all dependent on context and the maturity of the couple.
Asking a partner their body count “out of curiosity” or because you want to compare, is rarely constructive. On the contrary, it can trigger insecurities, arouse discomfort, or create pointless judgement.
However, talking about respective body counts when coming from a place of trust, mutual respect, and communication can reinforce intimacy. For this to be possible, both partners have to make sure that the conversation remains well-meaning and non-competitive.
Enough of the Numbers, Let’s Focus on What Really Matters
A person’s body count does not define their worth, nor the quality of a relationship. This figure doesn’t take into account things like trust, consent, or the veritable connection that can be created when two people mutually respect and desire one another.
Choosing to ignore body count means choosing to release yourself from pointless social pressure. It’s not how many that’s important, but simply how. How one engages with their own sexuality, how one listens to their desires, how one respects their partner.
Pleasure isn’t a simple statistic. It’s a constantly evolving intimate experience that varies from individual to individual.
Body count might be a hot topic at the moment, but we believe that it shouldn’t hold so much power over our lives. Behind these figures lies a hoard of stories, emotions, and human encounters.
Rather than keeping count, it might be better to let yourself communicate, feel, and discover your sexuality without feeling ashamed. Bodies don’t exist to be counted, it’s better to focus on giving them respect, love, and pleasure.
