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What if, for once, Valentine’s Day wasn’t about having the perfect evening of wining, dining and receiving extravagant gifts like chocolate and flowers? What if we made the most of this symbolic day to talk about something incredibly important: desire.
Every year, the 14th of February comes around with its share of expectations: being in a relationship, being in love, big romantic gestures, feeling desire and having good sex. Suffice to say that for many, Valentine's Day feels more like a source of pressure than a moment of pleasure. You don’t have to feel this way, though. Valentine’s Day can be a great excuse to reconnect with yourself, your partner or your desire, without any pressure to perform or follow a script.
Love, Desire and Routine, Three Very Different Things
People often confuse love and desire, although they’re two very different things. One aims to reassure, build and last. The other is more fluid, sometimes unpredictable, sometimes absent, sometimes overwhelming. Whatever way desire presents itself, it’s normal.
In long-term relationships, desire doesn’t disappear, but it may look different as time goes by. It becomes less spontaneous, less evident, sometimes more mental than physical. Valentine’s Day can be a great time to ask yourself the honest question: what do I really want right now? What do me and my partner want for our relationship?
This isn’t because something needs “saving”, but simply so you can be a little more mindful if routine has taken hold.
Contrary to what it may seem like, there’s no one way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to have super steamy sex nor declare your love in an over the top way.
Reconnecting with your partner could look like:
- Finally having that discussion that you’ve been putting off for ages
- Enjoying a moment of tenderness, without any hidden agendas
- Talking openly about your fantasies
Intimacy doesn’t come down to one single act. It’s nurtured through communicating, listening and being interested in your partner’s needs.
What if Valentine’s Day Wasn’t Just for Couples?
Valentine’s Day is a great day for solo self-care, and no, it’s not sad, or the sign of a failed love life.
Take some time for yourself, focus on your body, how it feels… this is a super healthy way to celebrate desire. Learning what feels good, what turns you on, what puts you at ease can create a solid foundation to help you figure out what you want from your romantic relationships.
Pleasuring yourself works as a reminder that sexuality isn’t a performance to put on for another person, but a space for open, personal growth and joy.
Our favourite sextoys for a solo Valentine's Day
Being More Mindful When Celebrating Valentine’s Day
If Valentine’s Day feels like something you have to endure each year, then why not reinvent it?
It doesn’t have to be the “perfect evening”, simply an honest moment. No need for comparison or obligation, no need to do what everyone else is doing.
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, newly coupled up, or flying solo, use it as a day for you to take stock of your desires, limits and what you’re currently looking for out of romance.
Maybe the best way to enjoy Valentine’s Day is simply to stop trying to be the best at it.
Valentine's Day is not an obligation, nor is it a test to pass. Above all, it is a symbolic date that everyone can celebrate in their own way... or choose to ignore. The important thing is not to live up to an idealised image of love or coupledom, but to stay in tune with your real desires, whether they are focused on your partner or yourself.
Talking about desire, accepting that it evolves, fluctuates or sometimes lessens, is already a sign of maturity and kindness towards your intimate life. And if this day simply allows you to open a discussion, relieve pressure or reconnect with what makes you feel good, then it will have already fulfilled its role.
