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Are we really having less sex than we used to? Or has our definition of sex simply changed? Over the last few years, one point that has been repeatedly brought up in the media, sociological studies and even day-to-day conversations is that we’re having sex less and less often. Less desire, less intercourse, less time for sex in our already busy lives, this phenomenon is known as the sex recession.
Behind this fairly alarmist term hides a much more nuanced reality: having less sex isn’t necessarily a bad thing, nor does it mean that our sex lives are less fulfilling.
Before we go any further on the topic of sex recession, let us try to understand what this concept really means, and above all, what it says about our modern relationship with desire, the body and intimacy.
What Exactly is a Sex Recession?
Sex recession is the term used to describe the overall decrease in sexual intercourse that’s been observed in many western countries, regardless of age. It’s not an individual experience, but a collective trend that’s linked to our evolving lifestyles, relationships and priorities.
Keep in mind that:
- A temporary drop in libido isn’t a sex recession
- Having sex less often doesn’t mean desire is non-existent
- This phenomenon is neither uniform nor universal
A sex recession isn’t simply about no longer having sex, but more about how its place in our daily life is transformed. Sexuality is no longer always perceived as central, automatic or essential to personal or marital balance.
Why Are We Having Less Sex?
Mental and emotional fatigue take their toll. Workload, chronic stress, financial pressure, anxiety about the future… Desire requires psychological availability, and this is sometimes rare.
Our lifestyles have also evolved. Days are busier, evenings are dedicated to recuperating, screen time, or solo activities. Relationships are no longer systematically central to our emotional and sexual lives.
To this, we can add the profound transformation of our relationship to our bodies. Less connection to sensations, more aesthetic demands, more self-judgement: getting out of your head, which is necessary for arousal, isn’t always easy.
Finally, our ideas of love and romance are much more diverse. Prolonged singledom, non-exclusive relationships, long-distance couples, periods of chosen or imposed celibacy… Sexuality is no longer systematically linked to a unique type of relationship.
Porn, Social Media, Dating Apps: Guilty or Falsely Accused?
Porn and screen-time in general are often cited as the main reason for our drop in desire. The reality, however, is much more complex.
Porn doesn’t mechanically kill our libido, but it can influence our expectations, imagination and our perception of sexual performance. Comparison, implicit pressure, unrealistic scenarios: for some people, this may dampen desire rather than stimulate it.
Social media exposes users to constant hypersexualisation of people’s bodies, all whilst feeding insecurity and permanent comparison. This leads to a rather paradoxical result: sexuality is more visible, yet less often experienced.
As for dating apps, they facilitate access to partners but can also encourage rapid consumption, sometimes disconnected from emotional intimacy, which is not always conducive to lasting desire.
Is Having Less Sex Really a Problem?
This is the question we’ve all been waiting for.
Having less sex isn’t necessarily a problem. There’s no ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ amount of sex for a person to have. A fulfilling sex life can’t be measured in the number of times you have intercourse, nor in its intensity.
For some individuals or couples, a decrease in frequency is accompanied by a more conscious, more deliberate, and sometimes more satisfying sex life. For others, it can lead to frustration, misunderstanding, or a growing distance between partners.
The real indication isn’t quantity, but quality. A sex recession only becomes a problem when it feels like a loss, constraint or a source of distress, not when it corresponds to a rhythm that you find satisfying.
How to Re-establish a More Vivacious Sex Life (If that’s What You Want)
If you feel like you’re lacking sex, simply having more sex won’t fix things. What you need to do is reconnect with your desire.
This can often be achieved by having more honest and open communication with your partner. Talk about what you want, what you’re afraid of, what may be blocking you will help you to re-establish intimacy.
Refocusing on sensations rather than performance is equally essential. Desire doesn't stem from obligation, but more so fun, curiosity and exploration.
Rediscovering your body, slowing down, breaking away from routine, trying something new or simply a change of scenery can be enough to revive the spark. Sex toys are also great ways to add exploration and dialogue into your relationship, but be aware that they aren’t magical fix-alls.
The sexual recession is not proof that people are less interested in sex, but rather a reflection of the profound changes society has gone through. Less automatic, less normative, and sometimes less central, sexuality is more closely linked to the choices we make, the context in which sex takes place as well as our individual well-being.
Rather than worrying about an overall decline in sexual activity, it is undoubtedly healthier to ask ourselves what place we really want sex to have in our lives. Because a fulfilling sex life is not one that follows a norm, but one that makes sense to us personally.
