Let’s Talk Throuples

Before we get into the heart of the subject, let’s make sure we have the basics covered. What is a throuple? How is it structured? How does it differ from other polyamorous dynamics? A lot of people struggle to grasp the concept as their ideas are influenced by fantasy and pop culture. To understand this relationship dynamic, let’s take a look at what the word ‘throuple’ actually means, as well as the different ways to be in a three-way relationship.

Simply put, a throuple is a romantic relationship involving three people. It’s not as simple as adding a third person into the equation: each person plays an important role in terms of love, emotions, and yes, sex.

There are many different ways to form a throuple: a couple meeting a third person and forming a bond with them, three individuals starting a relationship at the same time, or even a more gradual experience where bonds are created with each person over time.

Throuples are not to be confused with V polyamory. In a throuple, three people are all linked and dating each other, whereas in a V relationship, one person has a relationship with two other people who aren’t dating each other.

For some people, a throuple responds well to their emotional needs: the possibility of loving multiple people without imposing a hierarchy by creating a kind of loving team. For others, it’s a new way of exploring intimacy, one that’s richer and more varied, whether that be on an emotional or sexual level. A throuple can also provide a greater sense of support, a different distribution of responsibilities, and a balance that is sometimes more stable than a traditional couple.

It’s important to note that entering into a throuple should not be used as a way to spice up a failing relationship: it can only be successful if all three people are willing, curious and consenting, not as a way to fill a void.

Just like with any relationship, being in a throuple has its unique challenges. The first one is communication: each individual has their own needs, limits and insecurities. To avoid any misunderstanding, it’s crucial that everyone voices what they want from the relationship, what they’re worried about, as well as setting rules to ensure everyone feels respected.

Jealousy can rear its ugly head, especially if two people spend more time with and seem closer to each other than with the third person. You won’t be able to get rid of jealousy; however, you can learn to understand, verbalise and regulate it.

Finally, it’s important to find the right balance of moments between three and moments between two. Being in a throuple doesn’t mean you all have to be together at every moment: allowing each individual bond to develop is often the key to a solid, harmonious throuple.

To begin with, it can be extremely beneficial to organise regular check-ins with your partners. Everyone can talk about what’s working, what requires more work and what they need to feel fulfilled in the relationship.

Being part of a throuple requires incredible emotional maturity. Some people find themselves blossoming in such a relationship, as this plural dynamic works well for them, the wealth of exchanges and possibility of loving in a way that strays from tradition also being beneficial.

Some, on the other hand, prefer a more exclusive relationship, or require relational security that is difficult to find in a throuple. Before jumping into things, you should ask yourself, “am I ready to share my partner? Is this something I really want to do, or do I just feel pressured to do it? Am I capable of communicating how I feel, even when it’s uncomfortable?”

The throuple isn't for everyone, but for those who identify with it, it can become a deeply fulfilling form of love.

Throuples aren’t a trendy thing, nor are they just a passing fantasy. It’s a different way to love, capable of being incredibly rich when resting upon solid foundations: consent, communication and a sincere desire to construct a life amongst three people. It’s not a replacement for the traditional couple, but a way to explore love in its own right, one in which each person brings their sensitivity, strength and presence to a shared loving project.