Are Kinks Necessary in Order to Feel Sexually Fulfilled?

It’s important as a society that we continue making conversations surrounding sexuality more acceptable. However, as we’re freed of more and more taboos, a different type of pressure is emerging: that of having to be creative in bed, to dare to explore, to try more unusual things in order to be the best lover possible. It almost makes it seem like more ‘classic’ forms of pleasure aren’t enough.

In this article, we’re going to take a step back and try to understand what kinks are, what they can bring to one’s sex life… but also explain why it’s perfectly legitimate to not have any. Being sexually fulfilled doesn’t mean you have to try every single thing out there, it’s about how authentically we enjoy sex.

The term ‘kink’ is used to refer to any form of sexual practice that is considered unconventional. It’s a very varied term that can include things like dom/sub play; bondage ; specific scenarios; exhibition, etc. However, kinks don’t have to be extreme or marginal, they can simply be personal tastes that stray from traditional sexual codes.

Kinks aren’t to be confused with fetishisms. Where fetishisms are often centred around an extremely specific object or situation (for example, feet or latex), and are sometimes necessary in order to provoke arousal, a kink is more of a preference and one of the many things that add to a sexual experience.

Having not a lot or many kinks doesn’t mean that something is missing or wrong, as long as sexual practices are consenting and respectful, they’re simply a reflection of natural, healthy, human sexuality.

Contrary to the ever growing idea, ‘classic’ forms of sexuality can actually be extremely fulfilling. Some people find their happiness in tenderness, gentleness, or simply in relations that don’t involve any sort of performance. This doesn’t make them any less curious or connected to their desire.

Sexual satisfaction doesn’t depend on newness or originality, but on the quality of the experience, attentiveness, and on mutual respect. Enjoying popular positions, familiar caresses or routine forms of intimacy doesn’t mean you miss out on creativity. It simply means that sexuality takes shape in a reassuring environment that you’re comfortable in.

That being said, let’s not be reductive about all the things kinks have to offer. For some people, kinks give them more confidence, stimulate desire, allow them to enjoy different forms of arousal- whether this be more intense, or even transgressive.

Kinks can also help to strengthen bonds between couples, or allow them to move past certain blockages. Exploring the world of kink, when an active choice, can be incredibly freeing.

It’s important to remember, however, that these practices aren’t miracle solutions. Problems with communication, incompatible desires, or a lack of emotional investment can’t be resolved by roleplay or handcuffs. Introducing new practices into your sex life isn’t always a synonym for satisfaction, especially if the foundations of the relationship are already fragile.

In the era of social media, freeing up space to talk about sexuality, and normalising discussions around ‘non-standard’ practices, we see a new type of pressure emerging: the need to be kinky in order to be deemed ‘interesting’ in bed.

The main question: is your desire to explore this practice sincere, or is it motivated by an outside influence?

If a kink intrigues, excites or stimulates your imagination, then it could be interesting to discuss it with your partner, and then why not try it out? You’re not obliged to turn it into a lifelong practice, some experiences can just be one time things for fun, or simply a way to explore desire.

However, if the idea doesn’t please you in any way, or if it even makes you uncomfortable, then you can absolutely decide to not take part. Sexuality should never be a performative undertaking. It’s necessary that it remains a place in which you listen to both yourself and your partner.

Kinks are neither obligatory nor problematic: they’re part of a diverse world of sexual exploration, the same as their more conventional counterparts.

A fulfilling sex life doesn’t depend on the presence, nor the absence of what we consider to be ‘uncommon’ practices, but on freedom, communication and mutual respect. It’s important not to follow trends, you need to identify what gives you pleasure, what makes sense for you, and what makes you feel most like yourself.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel sexually fulfilled. There are only legitimate desires to be explored or preserved, according to your own personal choices.