Collaring Ceremony: What Does It Symbolise?

​For some people, collaring ceremonies take on an almost ritualistic aspect, for others, they can be a touching moment, but not necessarily an obligatory step in a Dom/sub relationship.

​Far from being a fixed tradition or a compulsory rite of passage, the important thing to remember about collaring ceremonies is that their value is heavily based off what each individual decides to attribute to it.​

​If you aren’t part of the BDSM scene, you may never have heard of collaring ceremonies, these symbolic rituals that some BDSM partners decide to perform. As the name suggests, at its very core, it consists of putting a collar around the neck of the submissive partner as a way to signal a strong bond between them and their Dom.

​Depending on the exact relationship between a Dom and a sub, this gesture can have many different meanings: a deep connection, a strong Dom/sub bond, proof of commitment, or simply the desire to formalise the relationship in some way.

​It’s not, by any means, an obligatory step or a steadfast rule within BDSM. Some people deem it to be an extremely important, almost sacred moment, whereas others don’t feel it necessary. And of course, there are endless opinions in between.

Collars are extremely powerful symbols in the BDSM community. They can symbolise trust, attachment, recognition of a certain relationship dynamic, or the physical proof of a connection built by two people

They can also mark certain important moments within a relationship. It’s a bit like a way of saying: ‘What we’re going through has meaning, and we want to honour it.’ In other cases, it represents a more specific commitment, with expectations, responsibilities, or even a special place in the couple’s emotional or sexual life.

Regardless, one indispensable part of collaring ceremonies is consent. Collars only have value when worn by a person who freely accepts and encourages the situation.

There’s no one way to do things. A collaring ceremony can be as intimate, elaborate or simple as you like. One couple’s ideal ceremony could be a discreet moment for the two of them in an intimate setting. Another couple may prefer to invite close friends from the BDSM community, exchange ‘vows’ and promises, and make more of an event out of it.

In either case, a couple embarking on a collaring ceremony must be emotionally prepared for what it entails.

Before anything, it’s important to talk about the situation. What does the collar mean for you both? What does it change (or not change) about the relationship? What are you expecting from it? What are your limits, fears, worries? After all, something with this much symbolism can be incredibly moving, so long as it’s properly discussed in advance.

There are certain questions worth asking before taking the plunge: what does this gesture mean to both of you? Is it a symbol of affection, sexuality, your relationship or a sense of community? Is it a firm commitment or a more flexible ritual? What happens if the relationship changes?

Once you’ve got the basics down, you can get onto the logistical side of things, i.e., how the ceremony is going to play out.

Collaring ceremonies can be wonderful, extremely intense experiences, so you need to make sure it’s what you want before you commit.

It may seem like a logical continuation of the solid relationship you have with your partner, but with any big romantic step, it may also be taken too quickly, before you have time to build the necessary foundations. It may seem exciting, but this excitement should never take the lead against communication, trust and compatibility.

You must also accept one thing: a BDSM relationship, like any relationship, can evolve. The collar alone guarantees nothing. It does not magically make a bond more genuine. However, it can become a powerful, precious and moving symbol when it forms part of a healthy, shared dynamic.